


The Tragedic Comical Historie of Buffy the Slayer of the Vampyres

by fresne



Series: Good Literature Done Wrong [1]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Gilbert & Sullivan & Related Fandoms, Shakespeare - Works
Genre: Cat1, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-06-26
Updated: 2010-06-26
Packaged: 2017-10-10 07:11:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 22,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/97048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fresne/pseuds/fresne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All seven seasons of Buffy as told entirely in Shakespearean verse. Except for Faith, who speaks in Spartan sayings. And Anya, who speaks in Gilbert and Sullivan. Literary crackfic. There's twins, triplets, cross dressing, and general confusion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This work is entirely made up of quotes. If I wrote a word, it was to make the original work fit together with either the story, or with other quotes. Hopefully the links throughout the work can let you link to where the quote is from. But to be clear, I didn't write anything here, here's the sources,  
> Unless I say otherwise, Shakespeare wrote it.  
> Shorten to fit the 5k limit:  
> AllsWellThatEndsWell=AWtEW  
> AMidsummerNight’sDream=AMND  
> Anthony&amp;Cleopatra=A&amp;C  
> AsYouLikeIt=AYLi  
> ComedyofErrors=CoE  
> Coriolanus=C  
> Gilbert&amp;Sullivan=G&amp;S  
> Hamlet=H  
> HenryIV=H4  
> HenryV=H5  
> JuliusCaesar=JC  
> Macbeth=M,  
> MerchantofVenice=MoV  
> MerryWivesofWindsor=MwoW  
> MuchAdoAboutNothing=MAaN  
> Othello=O  
> PoP=PoP  
> RichardIII=R3  
> Romeo&amp;Juliet=R&amp;J  
> Sonnet=Son  
> TamingoftheShrew=TotS  
> Tempest=T  
> TitusAndronicus=TA  
> TwoGentlemenofVerona=2GoV  
> Winter’sTale=WT
> 
> Refs:  
> R&amp;J,Prolog  
> H5,Prolog  
> A1,SI–  
> 1-M,I,i  
> 2-M,I,iii  
> 3-M,II,i  
> 4-H5,III,i  
> 5-M,I,iii  
> 6-WT,III,ii  
> 7-3H5I,II,i  
> 8-12thNight,I,v  
> 9-MAaN,IV,ii  
> 10-TotS,II,i  
> 11-BtVS,BE  
> 12-M,IV,i  
> 13-1H5I,I,ii  
> 15-C,III,ii

[Enter Chorus of demons]

[1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908%20#1-P)

Demon Chorus

Two households, both alike in dignity In fair Sunnydale, where we lay our scene, From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, Where uncivil blood makes uncivil hands unclean.

[2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#2-P)

A kingdom for a stage, Slayers to act And vampires to behold the swelling scene! Then should the warlike Buffy, like herself, Assume the port of Athene; and at her heels, Leash'd in like Scoobies, should Hand, Heart and Mind Crouch for employment. But pardon, and gentles all, The flat unraised spirits that have dared On this unworthy scaffold to bring forth So great an object: can this cockpit hold The vasty fields of Hell? or may we cram Within this wooden O the very casques

That did affright the air at Hellish mouth? Piece out our imperfections with your thoughts; Into a thousand parts divide one vampire, And make imaginary puissance; Think when we talk of demons, that you see them Printing their proud claws i' the screaming earth; For 'tis your thoughts that now must deck our Slayer, Carry her here and there; jumping o'er times, Turning the accomplishment of many years Into an hour-glass: for the which supply, Admit me Chorus to this history; Who prologue-like your humble patience pray, Gently to hear, kindly to judge, our play.

[Exit Demon Chorus]


	2. Act I, Scene i

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which 3 witches meet in the hurley, burley. Buffy and Dawn, dressed as Don, arrive in SunnyD. Xander of Sunnydale is confused. Wesley arrives dressed as Joan, the Slayer of Vampyres.

[1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#1-P)

[Thunder and Lightening. Enter Three Witches]

**Willow** When shall we three meet again In thunder, lightning, or in rain?

**Jenny**

When the hurlyburly's done, When the battle's lost and won.

**Amy**

That will be ere the dawn of sun.

**Willow**

Where the place?

**Jenny**

Upon the tarmac before the 7'11.

**Amy**

There to meet with Buffy, The Slayer of the Vampires.

**Willow**   


I come, Miss Kittyfantastico!

**Jenny**

Modem calls.

**Amy&gt;**

Anon.

**All**

Fair is foul, and foul is fair: Hover through the fog and filthy air.

[Enter Buffy and Dawn, as Don, in boy's attire]

**Buffy**

Pardon kindly ones, we are but new To this Sunny Dale, and weary from our travels. We seek safe harbor and direction. Know you the way to Revello Dr?

[2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#2-aI,i)

**Willow**

Oh, you're early. Um, All hail, Buffy! Hail to thee, Slayer of Vampires! Into each generation, a Slayer is born. The Chosen One born to each generation.

**Jenny**

The one girl, in all the world chosen To bear the strength and skills to hunt the vampires.

**Buffy**

Fie, a pox upon it, I have heard this all before.

**Amy**

All hail, Dawn, hail to thee, Key of Keys! Lesser than Buffy, and greater. Hunted by Glory. Glorious green light Made human shape, sister.

**Dawn**

Hey! I'm in hiding.

[3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#3-aI,i)

**Buffy**

Oh, sacred duty, blady, blah, blah. Is this a stake which I see before me, The big end toward my hand? Go, I clutch thee not. I have thee not, and yet I see thee still. Art thou not, fatal vision, sensible To feeling as to sight? or art thou but A stake of the mind, a false creation, A buzzing bee upon my ear to cry, "Duty." When all I desire is my seeming of a life. Whatever! I seek a profile that is low. Shut up.

[Men in tweed run across stage pursued by vampires]

[4](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#4-aI,i)

**Buffy**

Once more into the breach I am now thrown, Lest these be some vamp's Taster's Choice.

[Exuent Buffy]

**Dawn**

So, hmmm.

**Willow**

Hmmm.

[5](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#5-aI,i)

**Amy**

A sailor's wife had chestnuts in her lap, And munch'd, and munch'd, and munch'd:-- 'Give me,' quoth I: 'Aroint thee, witch!' the rump-fed ronyon cries. Her husband's to Alaska gone, master o' the Tiger: But in a sieve I'll thither sail, And, like a rat without a tail, I'll do, I'll do, and I'll do.

**Dawn**

What is it that you will do?

[6](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#6-aI,i)

**Willow**

Do, I will cry 'woe!' Tara, Tara, The sweet'st, dear'st creature's dead, and vengeance for't Not dropp'd down yet

**Amy**

Not dropp'd down yet! Thou hast put Santa Barbara to the sack.

**Jenny**

Weeping willow bend to remember, This is a comedy, a story that begins In tragedy, and ends in joy. A Winter's Tale.

[7](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#7-aI,i)

**Willow**

I cannot weep; for all my body's moisture Scarce serves to quench my furnace-burning heart: Nor can my tongue unload my heart's great burthen; For selfsame wind that I should speak withal Is kindling coals that fires all my breast, And burns me up with flames that tears would quench. To weep is to make less the depth of grief: Tears then for babes; blows and revenge for me.

**Amy**

Yes, yes, revenge. You play this song nightly. Now what of my chestnuts?

**Dawn**

I should go to find my sister, the Slayer.

[8](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#8-aI,i)

**Jenny**

Good Willow, why mournest thou?

**Willow**

Good witch, for my ladies death.

**Jenny**

I think her soul is in hell, madonna.

**Willow**

I know her soul is in heaven, witch.

**Jenny**

The more fool, madonna, to mourn for your ladies soul being in heaven. Take away the gentle witch, fool.

[Enter Xander of Sunnydale]

**Xander of Sunnydale**

Well, God give them wisdom that have it; and those that are fools, let them use their talents.

[9](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#9-aI,i) **Willow**

Away! you are an ass that is not made to bear

**Xander of Sunnydale**

But, mistresses, remember that I am an ass; though it be not written down, Yet forget not, that I am an ass. I am a wise fellow, and, which is more, an officer, and, which is more, a householder, and, which is more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in Sunnydale, and one that knows the law, go to; and a rich fellow enough, go to; and a fellow that hath had losses, and one that hath two gowns and every thing handsome about him. Bring her away. O that I had been writ down an ass!

**Amy**

Yes, yes, you're an ass. What of my chestnuts?

[Enter Buffy]

[10](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#10-aI,i)

**Xander of Sunnydale**

As the poet would say, Aye Caramba. Did ever Dian so become a grove As this lady the parking lot with her princely gate? O, be thou Dian?

**Buffy**

No, Dian, but Buffy. And no tree am I becoming. Who is this Machiavellian Who studies such goodly speech?

[11](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#11-aI,i)

**Xander of Sunnydale**

Hey, I resent that! Or possibly thank you.

**Buffy**

Either would suit, And more to the point, can you direct This my sis,

**Dawn**

Brother, I am her brother.

**Buffy**

My brother and I to Revello Dr?

**Xander of Sunnydale**

Let us put action to words and Make you become like a tree and go.

[Exuent Dawn, Buffy and Xander]

**Amy**

Now, about my rump fed runyon?

[12](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#12-aI,i)

**Jenny**

I'll lend you a wind. When thrice the brinded cat hath mew'd.

**Willow**

Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn, and cauldron bubble. Was there not a battle to be won and lost?

[Enter Giles, the Watcher, Oz, the werewolf]

[13](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#13-aI,i) **Giles **

Adam is a desperate homicide; He fighteth as one weary of his life. The other demons, like lions wanting food, Do rush upon us as their hungry prey.

**Willow**

Oh, good, I grew worried In their absence, now the sense of them Closure brings.

[Witches disappear]

**Oz**

For none but Bezoars and Gavrok Sendeth forth to skirmish. One to ten! And the Slayer not yet come.

[Enter Jesse]

**Jesse**

Where's the Watcher? I have news for him.

**Giles **

Jesse, thrice welcome to us.

**Jesse**

Methinks your looks are sad, your cheer appall'd: Hath the late overthrow wrought this offence? Be not dismay'd, for succor is at hand: A holy lass hither with me I bring, Joan the good slayer of the vampires, Ordained to raise this tedious siege And drive the demons forth the bounds of Sunnydale. Speak, shall I call her in? Believe my words, For they are certain and unfallible.

**Giles **

Go, call her in.

[Exit Jesse]

But first, to try her skill, Oz, stand thou as Watcher in my place: Question her proudly; let thy looks be stern: By this means shall we sound what skill she hath.

[Re-enter Jesse, with Wesley, as Joan the Vampire Slayer, as a woman in men's armor]

**Oz**

Fair lass, is't thou wilt do these wondrous feats?

**Wesley**

Ozwald, is't thou that thinkest to beguile me? Where is the Watcher? Come, come from behind; I know thee well, though never seen before.

[15](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#15-aI,i)

[Aside]

With their eyes. take no notice that I am not in cambria. That Wesley, who should lose his Watcher's birthright by his father's denial, His own sex deny and would then take up a Slayer's arms. Ha!

[To all]

Be not amazed, there's nothing hid from me: In private will I talk with thee apart. Stand back, you lords, and give us leave awhile.

Watcher, I am by birth a simple Lass, My wit untrain'd in any kind of art. Heaven and our Lady gracious hath it pleased To shine on my poor estate: And in a vision full of neon Will'd me free my country from calamity: My courage try by combat, if thou darest, Resolve on this, thou shalt be fortunate, If thou receive me for thy warlike Slayer.

**Giles **

Joan, thou hast astonish'd me with high terms: Only this proof I'll of thy valour make, In single combat thou shalt buckle with me, And if thou vanquishest, thy words are true; Otherwise I renounce all confidence.

**Wesley**

I am prepared: here is my keen-edged sword, Deck'd with five cross-de-luces on each side.

[Here they fight, and Wesley overcomes, hey he's like post S3 Angel Wesley, go with it.]

**Giles **

Stay, stay thy hands! thou art an Amazon And fightest with the sword of Deborah.

**Wesley**

Assign'd am I to be the Demon's scourge. This night the siege assuredly I'll raise: Expect Saint Martin's summer, halcyon days, Since I have entered into these wars. The Master is like a circle in the water, His progency grown too large, and who Never ceaseth to enlarge themselves Till by broad spreading is disperse to nought.

**Giles **

The Master? We wage battle on the forces Of that dread demon of science Adam

**Wesley**

[Black clad troops run across stage.]

Huh?!

[Here an alarum again: and Adam pursueth Giles, the watcher, and driveth him: then Wesley, driving demons before him, and exit after them then re-enter Adam]

[17](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#17-aI,i) **Adam**

Where is my strength, my valour, and my force? My demon troops retire, I cannot stay them: A man dressed as a woman, clad in armor chaseth them.

[Re-enter Wesley]

Here, here it comes. I'll have a bout with thee; Devil or devil's dam, I'll conjure thee: And straightway give thy soul to him thou servest.

**Wesley**

Come, come, 'tis only I that must disgrace thee.

[Here they fight.]

O'ertake me, if thou canst; I scorn thy strength. Go, go, help the Master to make his testament: This day is ours, as many more shall be.

[A short alarum]

**Adam**

My thoughts are whirled like a potter's wheel; I know not where I am, nor what I do; A Slayer, by fear, not force, like Hannibal, Drives back our troops and conquers as it lists: So bees with smoke and doves with noisome stench Are from their hives and houses driven away. They call'd us for our fierceness demon dogs; Now, like to whelps, we crying run away.

[Exit Wesley and Adam fighting]

[Enter Buffybot]

** Buffybot**

Hellooo! Helloooo!

[Exit Buffybot]


	3. Act I, scene ii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xander of Oxnard, Anyanka his demon of vengeance, and Glory, dressed as Ben arrive in SunnyD. Vamp Willow and Vamp Xander return from the world of shrimp.

[Enter Xander of Oxnard, Anyanka  
his demon of vengeance, and Glory, dressed as Ben]

  


[1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-1)

**Ben/Glory**  
I am invited, sir, to certain  
offices,  
My present business calls me from you now.  
I commend you to your content.

**Xander of Oxnard**  
He that commends me to mine own  
content  
Commends me to the thing I cannot get.  
I to the world am like a drop of water  
That in the ocean seeks another drop,  
Who, falling there to find his fellow forth,  
Unseen, inquisitive, confounds himself:  
So I, to find my brother Xander  
And my other brother Xander,  
In quest of them, unhappy, lose myself.

**Ben/Glory**  
Yes, well, then adieu.

[Exit Ben/Glory]

  


[2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-2)

**Xander of Oxnard**  
[To Anyanka]

I'll go  
bear to the Motel 6, where we host,  
To see about the hammer that I did request,  
Wander here, Anyanka, till I come to thee.  
Within this hour it will be dinner-time:  
Then we'll return and sleep within mine inn,  
For with long travel I am stiff and weary  
And mean to keep you warm in my bed,  
Get thee away and as you love me,  
Let sleep black vengeance in its hollow cell!  


  


[3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-3)

**Anyanka**  
I am the very model of a modern  
vengeance demon-al,  
I've ven-ged vegetable, animal, and mineral,  
I know the kings of England, and I caused the fights historical  
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;  
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters defenestral,  
I understand eviscerations, both the simple and quadratical,  
About transformial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,  
With cheerful facts about a transformation into a hippopotamus.  


  


[Enter Demon chorus]

**Demon Chorus**  
With cheerful facts about a  
transformation into a hippopotamus.  
With cheerful facts about a transformation into a hippopotamus.  
With cheerful facts about a transformation into a hippopotamus.  


**Anyanka**  
I know our mythic history, Count  
Dracul's and Sir Caradoc's;  
I answer weeping women, I've a pretty taste for giving pox,  
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus, In wishes I can make  
peculiarities parabolous;  
I have learnt of progress has been made in modern gunnery,  
I know more of men's lies than a novice in a nunnery--  
In short, I've a smattering of elemental strategy,  
You'll say a better vengeance demon-al has never grant a curse.  


**Demon Chorus**  
You'll say a better vengeance  
demon-al has never grant a curse. You'll say a better vengeance demon-al  
has never grant a curse.  
You'll say a better vengeance demon-al has never grant a curse.  


**Anyanka**  
For my vengeance knowledge,  
though I'm plucky and adventury,  
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;  
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,  
I am the very model of a modern vengeance demon-al.

  


**Demon Chorus**  
But still, in matters vegetable,  
animal, and mineral, She is the very model of a modern vengeance demon-al.

  


[4](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-4)

**Xander of Oxnard**  
Ahn, the quality of mercy is not  
strain'd,  
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven  
Upon the place beneath: it is twice blest;  
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes:  
'Tis mightiest in the mightiest: it becomes  
The throned monarch better than his crown;  
His sceptre shows the force of temporal power,  
But mercy is above this sceptred sway;  
When mercy seasons justice. Therefore, demon,  
Though justice be thy plea, consider this,  
That, in the course of justice, none of us  
Should see salvation: we do pray for mercy;  
And that same prayer doth teach us all to render  
The deeds of mercy.

  


  


[5](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-5)

So, sweetest of the scoobies,  
With your firm and supple tight embrace,  
No vengeance hobbies please.

[Exit Xander of Oxnard]

  


[6](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-6)

**Anyanka**  
You say either and I say either  
You say neither I say neither  
Either either , neither neither  
Let's call the whole thing off  
You say potato, I say patattah  
You say tomato , I say tomata  
Oh, let's call the whole thing off  
Oh, if we call the whole thing off  
Then we must part and oh  
If we ever part, that would break my heart  
So, I say ursta you say oyster  
I'm not gonna stop eatin' urstas just cause you say oyster,  
Oh, let's call the whole thing off  
Oh, I say pajamas , you say pajamas  
Sugar, what's the problem?  
Oh, for we know we need each other so  
We'd better call the calling off off  


Well, lots of men being unfaithful  
Very exciting trends in the scorned  
Women market and I don't wanna  
Be left out.

[Enter Dawn dressed as Don]

  


[7](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-7)

**Dawn**  
A little more than kin, and less  
than kind.

  


Less than she and greater.  
I am  
but a pip in her mill that she would grind and grind  
Given no more notice than a flea

  


[8](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-8)

Vengeance! plague! death!  
confusion!  
Don't you just wish…

[Enter Glory/Ben attended by  
minions]

Ah, foiled by fate.

  


[9](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-9)

  


**Glory/Ben**  
You'll cry for this, minions, if  
I have to beat you down.

  


[10](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-10)

[To Anyanka]

He that hath the key  
of key,  
he that openeth, and no man shutteth;  
and shutteth, and no man openeth;  
and hast not denied my name

  


**1st Minion**  
Oh, most creamy Glorificus,  
As if  
any would dare to deny thy name,  
Which is not written,  
Since you are before and after.

  


**Glory/Ben**  
Yeah, verily, anon

[To Anyanka]

So, have you seen my key?  
It was green and glowy, but now it could look like anything.  
An odd bodkin, a jerkin, a skin of sack, a sack of skin, a toaster.

  


  


[11](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-11)

**Dawn**  
Nay, I have not.

[Aside]

To be a key, or not to be: that is the question:  
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer  
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,  
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,  
And by opposing end them? To die to this life:  
To sleep no more; and by a sleep to say we end  
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks  
That this flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation  
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die to this life:  
To wake; To wake: perchance to waking dream:  
I who serve as key to the undiscover'd country  
From whose bourn, No traveller returns,  
Am puzzled in my willful choosing.  
And thus the native hue of resolution  
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,  
And enterprises of great pith and moment  
With this regard their currents turn awry,  
And lose the name of action  
[To Glory]  
Nope, haven't seen it.

  


[12](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-12)

**Glory/Ben**  
Clubs, bills, and partisans!  
strike! beat you down!  
If you tell me not the truth of the matter.

  


[13](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-13)

**Anyanka**  
[To Glory]

There may be trouble  
ahead,  
But while there's moonlight  
And music and love and romance  
Let's face the music and dance  
There may be teardrops to shed  
That's why the fiddlers have fled.  
But to dance with me is pay the bill  
I haven't seen your key,  
Bodkin glowy or otherwise.

  


[Minion hands Glory Ben's jacket,  
which Glory puts on]

  


[14](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-14)

**Anyanka**

There was a woman here a moment  
ago,  
And as I am poor little Aud,  
I think she's mad.

  


**Ben/Glory**  
I commend you to your content.

  


**Anyanka**

Yes, well, For I'm called Little  
Aud -- dear Little Aud,  
Though I could never tell why,  
But still I'm called Aud -- poor little Aud,  
Sweet Little Aud I!

[Enter Xander of Sunnydale]

  


[15](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-15)

**Xander of Sunnydale**  
Ah, fair maid,Ask me no reason  
why I love you; for though  
Love use Reason for his physician, he admits him  
not for his counsellor. You are young, so to  
am I; go to then, there's sympathy: you are merry,  
so am I; ha, ha! then there's more sympathy: would you desire better  
sympathy? Let it suffice thee, Mistress,--at the least, if the love of an  
officer can suffice, hat I love thee. I will not say, pity me; 'tis ot a  
officer like phrase: but I say, love me. By me, Thine own true knight, By  
day or night, or any kind of light, With all his might, For thee to fight,  
I am Xander, What's your sign?

  


  


[16](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-16)

  


**Anyanka**  
Tarantara, tarantara!

[Exit Anyanka and Xander of  
Sunnydale, passing Wesley, as Joan the Vampire Slayer.]

  


[17](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-17)

**Dawn**  
[Aside] Conceal me what I am, and  
be my aid  
For such disguise as haply shall become  
The form of my intent. When lass they see,

In boyish guise, they'll think  
they know what they do not.

  


[18](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-18)

**Wesley**  
[Aside]

May one be pardoned and  
retain the offence?

[To Dawn]

Good morrow young lass.

  


  


[19](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-19)

**Dawn**  
You will see in present days how

This pretty lad will prove our country's bliss.

[Exit Dawn]

  


[20](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-20)

**Wesley**  
[Enter Vampire, Wesley stakes it  
off stage]

Father, love deserves my thanks; but my desert  
Unmeritable shuns your high request.  
First if all obstacles were cut away,  
And that my path were even to Watcher,  
As my ripe revenue and due by birth  
Yet so much is my poverty of spirit,  
So mighty and so many my defects,  
In your Cyclops laughless eyes,  
That I'd rather play the girlish Slayer,  
That I'd rather hide me from myself,  
Being a bark to brook mighty sea,  
Than in my greatness covet to be sail,  
And in the vapour of my borrowed glory smother.  
[Black clad commandoes run across stage]

[Enter Buffy and Faith from  
opposite sides of the stage]

**Buffy**  
In that it is Tuesday, have you  
seen a young lad,  
So, high and much wroth?

  


  


**Wesley**  
Your, pardon good lady, but I  
have not.

**Faith**  
I am Faith, and in Faith,I have  
but lately arrived  
And have met none but you two.

[Vampire walks across stage.]

  


**Buffy**  
Pardon me for a moment, I see a  
cat.

[Exuent Buffy following Vampire]

  


[21](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-21)

**Wesley**  
Good evening, Faith. How well and  
handsome you look! What a rosy complexion! and how strong you seem;  
Why, you could strangle a demon surely!

  


**Faith**  
Yes, indeed, I really think I  
could. It's because I do  
gymnastics and practice the bottom-kicking dance.

  


[22](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-22)

  


**Wesley**  
My, what superb breasts!I mean, I  
am mad  
For gazing on your beams, fair sun, being by.

  


**Faith**  
Gaze where you should, and that  
will clear your sight.

  


**Wesley**  
As good to wink, sweet love, as  
look on night.  
If I were such to love a woman, it should be you.

  


[23](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-23)

**Faith**  
I'll show you mine if you show me  
yours,  
You are feeling me as if I were a beast for sacrifice.  
Now, some women like to say,  
Come back with your shield or on it,  
But, there was this horny old man,  
Lycurgus, who reformed stuff in Sparta  
From where I hail  
He ordered that the young women  
Should go naked in the processions,  
As well as the young men, and dance,  
Singing certain songs,  
While the young men and women stood around,  
Seeing and hearing them  
And being all inspired.  
So, I say, I'm in the mood to dance.

  


[Vampire and Girl in Tweed walk  
across stage]

**Wesley**  
[Aside]

God's Teeth  
Alas, duty calls.

[Aside]

Idiot, a blue berry scone am I.

[Exit Wesley after vampire]

  


[24](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-24)

**Faith**  
To break one's word is indeed  
impious;  
but to outwit an enemy is not only just and glorious,  
but profitable and sweet.  
And there is no greater battle than the  
Grapples of affection.

[Enter Vamp Willow and Vamp Xander]

Xander, I like your new looks.

  


[25](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-25)

**Vamp Xander**  
Not yellow in my mind, though  
black in my legs.  
I think we do know the sweet roman hand.

**Vamp Willow**  
Slut.

**Faith**  
Kinky.

[Scream off stage]

Oh, God's Balls.  
Later.

[Exit and Faith]

  


**Vamp Willow**  
So, very, very bored.  


  


[26](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-26)

**Vamp Xander**  
Yeah and verily. While I do know  
that  
Though upon our scant vacation,  
This brochure did vaunt that,  
God does hate shrimp, and that,  
"Whatsoever hath no fins  
Nor scales in the waters,  
that shall be an abomination unto you."  
And yet, that was one boring universe.

**Vamp Willow**  
A world of nothing but shrimp. I  
want to play now.  
Or take a bath.

[Exit Vamp Willow]

  


[27](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-27)

**Vamp Xander**  
I had rather be a canker in a  
hedge than a rose in  
Angelic grace, and it better fits my blood to be  
disdained of all than to fashion a carriage to rob  
love from any: in this, though I cannot be said to  
be a flattering honest man, it must not be denied  
but I am a plain-dealing villain. I am trusted with  
a muzzle and enfranchised with a clog; therefore I'd  
Decree not to sing in my cage. If I had my  
mouth, I would bite; if I had my liberty, I would do  
my liking: in the meantime let me drink..  
[Enter Dawn, dressed in men's clothes, as Don,]  
Why here's a likely lass dressed as a lad.

  


  


[28](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-28)

**Dawn**  
[Enter Dawn, dressed as Don, a boy]

Xander, here's the hammer you  
sent me for.

[Hands Vamp Xander hammer]

What, have you got the picture of old Adam new-apparelled?

**Vamp Xander**  
What hammer is this? Which Adam  
dost thou mean?  
Rather, O' slow-winged turtle, shall a buzzard take thee?

**Dawn**  
Ay, for a turtle, as he takes a  
buzzard,  
Not that Adam that kept the Paradise but that Adam  
that keeps the prison

**Vamp Xander**  
I understand thee not.  
But, come away, you bee, you are too angry.

**Dawn**  
No? why, 'tis a plain case: he  
that went,  
like abass-viol, in a case of metal; the demon, sir,  
that, when gentlemen are tired, gives them a crack  
and 'rests them; he, sir, that takes pity on decayed  
men and gives them suits of durance; he that sets up  
his rest to do more exploits with his mace than a  
morris-pike. He that earlier plagued you.  
So, take your hammer and let me be off.

  


[29](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-29)

**Vamp Xander**  
What, thou meanest an officer?

Come, let me see the walk. Thou dost not halt.

[Enter Willow]

**Vamp Xander**  
I'd have shared. I mean  
Here comes the almanac of my true date.  
What now? how chance thou art return'd so soon?

  


[30](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-30)

**Vamp Willowr**  
Return'd so soon! rather  
approach'd too late:  
The capon burns, the pig falls from the spit,  
The clock hath strucken twelve upon the bell;  
I am so hot because the meat is cold;  
The meat is cold because you come not to dinner;  
You come not home because you have no stomach;  
You have no stomach having broke your fast;  
But we that know what 'tis to fast and pray  
Are penitent for your default to-day.

  
  


[31](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-31)

**Vamp Xander**  
Ill met by moonlight,  
I said I'd have shared.

  


[32](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-32)

**Vamp Willowr**  
I pray you, air, as you sit at  
dinner:  
Methinks your maw, like mine, should be your clock,  
And strike you home without a messenger.

**Vamp Xander**  
Maw and clock indeed,  
In this mood, I'll have none of you.

[Exit Vamp Xander and Willow in  
opposite directions]

  


[33](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-33)

**Dawn**  
Hmmm. By the pricking of my  
thumbs,  
Something wicked this way comes.

[Enter Xander of Oxnard]

  


[34](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-34)

**Xander of Oxnard**  
Ah, Don, Tell me this, I pray:

Where have you left the hammer that I gave you?

**Dawn**  
Villain, I have but this very  
moment,  
Given spilled hammer in hand.  
Jerk  
[Exit Dawn]

**Xander of Oxnard**  
Tis a village of witches and  
madmen.  
And I've no friends, Romans or countrymen  
To lend me their good sense.

[Enter Vamp Willow and Cordelia  
from opposite sides]

**Vamp Willow**  
Xander! You're Alive!  
Hey!

**Cordelia**  
Ay, ay, Xander, look strange and  
frown:  
Have you no sweet words?  
Some other mistress hath thy sweet aspects;  
The time was once when thou unurged wouldst vow  
That never words were music to thine ear,  
That never object pleasing in thine eye,  
That never touch well welcome to thy hand,  
That never meat sweet-savor'd in thy taste,  
Unless I spake, or look'd, or touch'd, or carved to thee.

  


**Xander of Oxnard**  
Plead you to me, fair dame? I  
know you not:  
In Sunnydale I am but two days old,  
As strange unto your town as to your talk;  
Who, every word by all my wit being scann'd,  
Want wit in all one word to understand.  
Moreover, my lady is not one to not revenge,  
Faith, then be silent.

**Cordelia**  
Fie, Xander! how the world is  
changed with you!  
When were you wont to use me thus?  
I sent for you by Willow to come to dinner.  
But I see that as ever you were,  
You are a willow wisp with thy affections.

**Xander of Oxnard**  
By Willow?

**Vamp Willow**  
By me?

**Cordelia**  
By thee; and then thou didst  
return from him,  
That he did buffet thee in his words.

**Vamp Willow**  
He buffet me, rather he the  
buffet,  
And I the served.

  


[Enters Wesley, holding a cross]

White Hats. Whatever.

[Exit Vamp Willow]

  


[35](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,ii-35)

**Cordelia**  
For mine own part, it was Greek  
to me.

**Wesley**  
I speak Greek.

**Cordelia**  
And I speak the truth,  
And truly that was annoying.

[Exit Cordelia and Wesley]

  



	4. Act I, Scene iii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Mayor longs for quieter times (that he might more easily become a giant Serpent). Angelus has gone souly.

[Masters cave.  
Master, Vamp  
Willow, Vampire attendants]

[Enter Mayor, with Attendants]

  


[1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iii-1)

**Mayor**  
Rebellious subjects, enemies  
to peace,  
What, ho! you men, you beasts,  
That quench the fire of your pernicious rage  
With purple fountains issuing from their veins,  
Hear the sentence of your moved Mayor.  
Watchers, and Slayer and Vampires  
and Demons and I know not what,  
Have nightly disturb'd the quiet of our streets,

[Aside]

At this rate, golly and gosh,  
There shall be none to stand to feed my Ascension.

[To Vampires]

So, thus, and henceforth and so,  
If ever you disturb our streets again,  
Your lives shall pay the forfeit of the peace.  
[Aside]  
That should hold until tis time for my feast.

[Exit Mayor]

  


**Master**  
Who set this ancient quarrel  
new abroach?  
This upon the eve of the Hellmouth's opening,  
Speak, child, were you by when it began?

  


**Vamp Willow**  
Here were the servants of your  
adversary,  
And yours, close fighting ere I did approach:  
I drew to part them: in the instant came  
The fiery Adam, with his sword prepared,  
Which, as he breathed defiance to my ears,  
He swung about his head and cut the winds,  
Who nothing hurt withal hiss'd him in scorn:  
While we were interchanging thrusts and blows,  
Came more and more and fought on part and part,  
Till the Mayor came, who parted either part.

  


**Darla**  
O, where is Angelus? saw you  
him to-day?  
Right disgusted I am he was not at this fray.

  


[Enter Angel, Vamp Xander, and  
other Vampires Attending. Music plays on a boom box]

  


**Angel**  
If music be the food of love,  
play on;  
Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting,  
The appetite may sicken, and so die.  
That strain again! it had a dying fall:  
O, it came o'er my ear like the sweet sound,  
That breathes upon a bank of violets,  
Stealing and giving odour! Enough; no more:  
'Tis not so sweet now as it was before.

[Black clad commandoes run  
across stage, stun a vampire, run off stage]

[2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iii-2)

**Vamp Xander**  
Will you go hunt, my lord?

**Angel**  
What, Xander?

  


**Vamp Xander**  
A fresh bleeding human heart.

  


**Angel**  
Why, so I do, the noblest that  
I have:  
O, when mine eyes did see Darla first,  
Methought she purged the air of pestilence!  
That instant was I turn'd into a hart;  
And my desires, like fell and cruel wolves,  
E'er since pursue me, as the ram in the wood.  
Go then to plead my case.  
[Vamp Xander goes to speak with Darla, returns]  
How now! what news from her?

  


**Vamp Xander**  
So please my lord, she do  
return this answer:  
"Your cursed soul reeks of humanity and rather,  
She turn to the service of the Master: all this season,  
As if you were as one dead."

  


[3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iii-3)

**Angel**  
Is not enough that love's  
transgression,  
But then griefs of mine own word and vile deed  
Lie leaden weights and press fearful sighs forth  
The heaviness and guilt within my bosom  
Takes off my manhood: I have laughing tortured,

  


[4](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iii-4)

Saturn governed mine desire:  
Even as an adder when doth unroll  
To do some fatal execution?  
Evil was in my heart, death in my hand,  
Blood and pain hammered in my head.  
I laughed to make Philomel lose her tongue,  
Til' I made pillage of gypsy maid and they  
Revenged woes by cursed return of my soul.

  


[5](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iii-5)

**Vamp Xander**  
And now, cursed, you can get  
none.  
Come, you saw Darla fair, none else being by,  
Herself poised with herself in either eye:  
But in that crystal scales let there be weigh'd  
Your lady's love against some other maid  
Poisoned guilt lost in revelry, that  
I will show you shining at this feast,  
And she shall scant show well that now shows best.

**Angel**  
I'll go along, no such sight  
to be shown,  
But to rejoice in splendor of mine own.

[Exit]


	5. Act I, Scene iv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If Buffy the Slayer be, then who is Joan? Other than Wesley cross-dressing.

[Bronze, Giles and Wesley,  
dressed as Joan the Vampire Slayer, as a woman dressed in men's armor.  
Also, full of dancing Vampires, Watchers, demons, etc.]

[Enter Xander,  
Jesse, and Willow]

[1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iv-1)

**Xander of Sunnydale**  
I would entreat you both to  
put on  
Your boldest suits of mirth, for we have friends  
That purpose merriment. But fare you well:  
I have some business.

**Jesse**  
What business could such as  
you,  
In such an hour and in such a place lay claim?

[2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iv-2)

[3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iv-3)

**Xander of Sunnydale**  
My excellent good friends! How  
dost thou,  
Guildenstern? Or is it, Rosenberg! Whatever  
Jesse, Willow Good lad and lass, When of business  
I speak, it is such fair business as may be found  
In a woman's face with nature's own hand painted

**Jesse**  
Ah, the fair, the Lunar, the  
Buffy.

**Xander of Sunnydale**  
No. No lunar orb, but a  
summers day.

[4](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iv-4)

[5](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iv-5)

**Willow**  
Hello, my good friends, I  
stand before you.  
Excessive lamentation is the right of the dead,  
Oh, Tara, pardon me, thou bleeding piece of earth,  
That I am meek and gentle with these butchers!  
Thou art the ruins of the noblest woman  
That ever lived in the tide of times.  
Woe to the hand that shed this costly blood!  
A curse shall light upon the limbs of men;  
Domestic fury and fierce civil strife  
Shall cumber all the parts of Sunnydale;  
Blood and destruction shall be so in use  
And dreadful objects so familiar  
That mothers shall but smile when they behold  
Their infants quarter'd with the hands of war;  
All pity choked with custom of fell deeds:  
That this foul deed shall smell above the earth  
With carrion men, groaning for burial.

**Xander of Sunnydale**  
Ummm, Willow, this is a party.  
I love the Crayon Breaky you,  
And I love the scary vengeful vany Willow  
But seriously, chilleth.

[Enter Buffy and Cordelia]

**Buffy**  
Heyeth, guys.

[6](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iv-6)

[7](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iv-7)

**Cordelia**  
Ah, a lord to a lord and  
verily stuffed with virtues.  
That I dislike, and none of the vices I  
admire, Xander

[8](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iv-8)

**Willow**  
Do not mistake Cordelia,  
There is but lately risen,  
a merry war betwixt Signor Xander and her.  
Now, they never meet,  
But there's a skirmish of wit between them.

**Cordelia**  
Alas, he gets nothing of that  
In our last conflict, four of his five wits went halting off  
And now is the whole man governed with one.  
So, who is his companion now, he hath every month a new sworn lover.

  


**Willow**  
Errr-eth.

**Xander of Sunnydale**  
What my lady Disdain, are you  
yet living?

**Cordelia**  
Is it possible disdain should  
die while she hath such meet food to it as Signor Xander?Courtesy  
itself must convert to disdain if you come in her presence.  
Xander wears his faith but as the fashion of his hat, it ever changes  
with the next block.

**Xander of Sunnydale**  
Then is courtesy a turncoat.

ut it is certain, I am loved of all ladies,  
Only you excepted,  
And I would I could find in my heart  
that I had not a hard hart for  
truly I love none.

**Buffy**  
This is goodly intelligence

**Xander of Sunnydale**  
I'll be over there.

[Exuent Xander of Sunnydale  
stage left.]

**Cordelia**  
A dear happiness to women.  
He always ends with a jade's trick,  
I know him of old and yet….

[9](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iv-9)

**Cordelia**  
Good evening Willow, the  
Bronzed darkness  
Does suit this Softer Side of Sears.

**Jesse**  
[To Cordelia]You are more  
lovely and more dusky  
Than an autumn night. Cordelia would you  
Honor me with a dance?

**Cordelia**  
As if it could ever be so.  
Good Buffy, the virtue of your estate  
Is such that you need not bother with  
Such riff and raff as these.  
I shall be over there.

[Exuent Cordelia stage right.  
Jesse and Willow follow her. ]

[10](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iv-10)

**Giles**  
Should I be silent and not  
speak, our raiment  
And state of bodies would bewray what life  
We would lead.

Look upon this crowd of  
dancing youth,  
Mad gyrating to suck the marrowed bones,  
Who without your watchful stance,  
Will cold silent six feet lie.  
You are the Slayer, that one girl,  
Betwixt earth and circling spheres,  
That each generation is by signs mystic,  
Chosen to kill the dead that will not die.  
Vampires, nosfaratu, unclean that wish to  
Re-make this world once more their demon paradise.

[11](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iv-11)

[12](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iv-12)

**Wesley**  
[Aside]Be secret-false:  
what need he be acquainted?  
What simple thief brags of her own attaint?  
'Tis double wrong, to let him see it in deed  
Let him read it in thy looks at board:  
Shame hath a bastard fame, well managed;  
Ill deeds are doubled with an evil word.  
[To Giles]  
Why I will fight with them upon this theme  
And as I truly fight, I'll defend our dream! 

  


[Exit Wesley]

[13](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iv-13)

**Giles**  
By accident most strange,  
bountiful Fortune,  
Now my dear lady, hath mine enemies  
Brought to this shore; and by my prescience  
I find my zenith doth depend upon  
A most auspicious Slayer, whose influence  
If now I court not but omit, my fortunes  
Will ever after droop.

A devil, a born devil, on  
whose nature  
Nurture can never stick; I will plague them all,  
Even to roar, with my staff and book  
And watching gaze.

[Enter the Master holding  
Jesse]

[14](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iv-14)

**Master**  
Lord what fools these mortals  
be.

[Kills Jesse.]  
Tastes like chicken.  
Death is now the phoenix' nest  
And the turtle's loyal breast  
To eternity doth rest,  
Leaving no posterity:  
'Twas not their infirmity,  
It was marred, crack earth and open.  
Truth may seem, but cannot be:  
Beauty brag, but 'tis not she;  
Truth and beauty buried be.

[Buffy walks up to the Master]

**Master**  
I killed your friend quick.

[15](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iv-15)

**Buffy**  
I'll stake you quicker.  
Sharper than a serpent's tooth.

[They fight, exit stage, Alarums, Buffy returns]

That was quick.  
Victuals, perhaps some sack.

**Giles**  
If Buffy the Slayer be,  
Then  
who is Joan?

[Enter group of vampires,  
including Angel, Vamp Willow and Vamp Xander]

[16](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iv-16)

**Angel**  
What lady is that, which doth  
Enriched by the dust of yonder Master?

**Vampire Xander**  
I know not, Soul Man.

**Angel**  
Could you not refer to me so.

O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright!  
It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night  
Like a rich jewel in an Ethiope's ear;  
Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear!  
Did my heart love till now? forswear it, sight!  
For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.

[17](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iv-17)

**Vamp Xander**  
[To Vamp Willow]

At Angelic  
parting sweetly did Darla smile,  
In scorn or friendship, nill I construe whether:  
'T may be, she joy'd to jest at his exile,  
'T may be, again to make him wander thither:  
'Wander,' a word for shadows like myself,  
As take the pain, but cannot pluck the pelf.  
I am so not telling her of this pass.

[18](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iv-18)

**Vamp Willow**  
Her dead heart is burst,  
She'll have lost half her demonic soul;  
Even now, now, very now, the old ram  
Will go to topping the young ewe. Arise, arise;  
The soulful devil will make a grandsire of her:  
Our bodies are our gardens, to the which  
our wills are gardeners: so that if we will plant  
nettles, or sow gossip, set barbs and weed up  
thyme, I'll tell and Chaos is come again.

**Vamp Xander**  
You are a merry villainess.

[Enter the Mayor and his Aid]

[19](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iv-19)

**Mayor**  
This, by his voice, should be  
a Vampire.  
Fetch me my minions, boy. What dares the vamp  
Come hither, cover'd with an antic face,  
To fleer and scorn and eat my sheep?  
Oh, bother, by the stock of my plans,  
To strike them dead, I hold it not a sin.

[Enter Glory, with minions]

[20](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iv-20)

**Glory**  
And the key of the house of  
glory will I find;  
What it shall open, and none shall shut; and what it  
shall shut, none shall open.

  


[21](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iv-21)

And I saw an angel come down  
from heaven,  
Having the key of the bottomless pit  
And a great chain in his hand.  
But then I lost the little bugger.  
Have you seen him and the key.  
It's green and glowy and mine.

[Black clad commandoes run  
across stage, seize vampire, exit stage left]

[22](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iv-22)

**Mayor**  
There is a tide in the affairs  
of men,  
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;  
Omitted, all the voyage of their life  
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.  
On such a full sea are we now afloat;  
And we must take the current when it serves,  
Or lose our ventures.  
Well, you win some, you loose some,  
I think its time to thin the herd.  
Which reminds me, I forgot to set the VCR,  
There's a fascinating broadcast on Discovery.

  


[The vampires, the Mayor's  
minions, and the soldiers all go off stage to fight.]

[23](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iv-23)

**Angel**  
[to Buffy]

If I profane with my  
unworthiest hand  
This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this:  
My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand  
To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.

**Buffy**  
Uh…wow, you do wrong your hand  
too much,  
Which mannerly devotion shows in this;  
For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch,  
And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss.  
But, good sir, give me a moment to wash away the dust.

[Alarums, Vampires fight  
soldiers across stage.]

**Angel**  
Have not saints lips, and holy  
palmers too?

**Buffy**  
Ay, pilgrim, lips that they  
must use in prayer.

**Angel**  
O, then, dear saint, let lips  
do what hands do;  
They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.

[Alarums, Mayor's minions  
fight Glory's minions across stage]

**Buffy**  
Saints do not move, though  
grant for prayers' sake.

**Angel**  
Then move not, while my  
prayer's effect I take.  
Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged.

[24](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iv-24)

**Vamp Willow**  
This whole earth may be bored  
and that the moon  
May through the centre creep and so displease

  


No more of love's drivel,  
that's fair to make me gag,  
I would to wicked games, pluck eyes and  
teeth,  
To make puppies smell their way to Dover.

[25](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iv-25)

**Vamp Xander**  
Whose wicked deeds thy most  
ingenious sense  
Deprived thee of mirth! Hold off the earth awhile,  
We'll steal from surgared love and seek more seemly stews.

[Exit Vamp Willow and Vamp Xander]

[26](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iv-26)

**Buffy**  
Then have my lips the sin that  
they have took.

**Angel**  
Sin from thy lips?  


[27](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iv-27)

My shame and guilt confounds  
me.  
Forgive me, Valentine: if hearty sorrow  
Be a sufficient ransom for offence,  
I tender 't here; I do as truly suffer  
As e'er I did commit.

**Buffy**  
What?

[28](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iv-28)

**Angel**  
O trespass sweetly urged!  
Give me my sin again.

**Buffy**  
You kiss by the book.

[Alarums, Vampires and  
Watchers fight across the stage]

**Willow**  
Buffy, your Watcher craves a  
word with you.

**Angel**  
What her watcher?  
Is she a  
Slayer?  
O dear account! my life is my foe's debt.

**Willow**  
I would've thought slaying the  
Master  
Would have made the matter plain..

[Exit Angelus]

**Giles**  
His name is Angelus, and a  
Vampire;  
The Direst son of your greatest enemy.

**Buffy**  
My only love sprung from my  
only hate!  
Too early seen unknown, and known too late!  
Prodigious birth of love it is to me,  
That I must love a loathed enemy.

**Giles**  
You can have not seen the  
change of seventeen years.

**Buffy**  
Younger than I are happy  
mothers made.

[29](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aI,iv-29)

**Giles**  
Perhaps in Verona. In  
Sunnydale duty is thy bed.  
Obey Council's will, which travails in thy  
good:  
Believe not thy desire, but presently  
Do thine own fortunes that obedient right  
Which both thy duty owes and our knowledge claims;  
Go forth and slay.

[Giles and Buffy exeunt stage  
right.]

[Enter Buffybot]

**Buffybot**  
My name is Buffy.  
Have you seen me?  
Bye now.  
[Exit Buffybot]


	6. Act II, Scene i

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fanged Four (minus one and plus two) reunite.

[Sunnydale Bus Station]

[Vamp Willow and Vamp Xander stand by Sunnydale sign, smoking. Spike enters  
and knocks over the sign.]

[1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,i-1)

**Vamp Xander**   


Either I mistake your hair and  
making quite,  
Or else you are that shrewd and knavish sprite  
Call'd William the Bloody: are not you he  
That frights the maidens of the villagery;  
Skim blood, and sometimes labour in the quern  
And bootless make the breathless housewife churn;  
And sometime make the drink to bear no barm;  
Mislead night-wanderers, laughing at their harm?  
Those that Vampire call you and unsweet Spike,  
You do their harm, and they shall have bad luck:  
Are not you he?

**Spike**   


Thou speak'st aright;  
am  
that merry wanderer of the night.  
I jest to Drucilla and make her smile  
When I a fat and bean-fed tart beguile,  
Neighing in likeness of a filly foal:  
And sometime lurk I in a crowded bar,  
In very likeness of a roasted drab,  
And when they drink, against their necks I bob  
A merrier hour was never wasted there.  
But, room, vamp! here comes Drucilla  
My dark and wicked plum.

[Enter Drucilla]

[2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,i-2)

Age cannot wither her, nor  
custom stale  
Her infinite variety: other women cloy  
The appetites they feed: but she makes hungry  
Where most she satisfies; for vilest things  
Become themselves in her: that the holy priests  
Bless her when she is riggish.

[3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,i-3)

**Drucilla**   


They say the owl was a baker's  
daughter.  
Lord, we know what we are,  
But know not what we may be.  
There's fennel for you, and columbines: there's rue  
for you; and here's some for me: we may call it  
herb-grace o' Sundays: O you must wear your rue with  
a difference. There's a daisy: I would give you  
some violets, but they withered all when my father  
died: they say he made a bad end,  
At my sire's hand

[ 4](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,i-4)

[5](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,i-5)

**Vamp Xander**   


Why,  
as men do a-land; the great ones eat up the  
little ones: I can compare  
our great vamps to  
nothing so fitly as to a whale; a' plays and  
tumbles, driving the poor fry before him, and at  
last devours them all at a mouthful:  
So Spike and Drucilla are consuming dark,  
and she is altogether mad.  
Madness in great ones must not unwatch'd go.

[ 6](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,i-6)

**Spike**   


[To  
Drucilla]

My love is as a fever, longing still  
For that which longer nurseth the disease,  
Feeding on that which doth preserve the ill,  
The uncertain sickly appetite to please.  
My reason, the physician to my love,  
Angry that his prescriptions are not kept,  
Hath left me, and I desperate now approve  
Desire is death, which physic did except.  
Past cure I am, now reason is past care,  
And frantic-mad with evermore unrest;  
My thoughts and my discourse as madmen's are,  
At random from the truth vainly express'd;  
For I have sworn thee fair and thought thee bright,  
Who art as black as hell, as dark as night.

  


[To Vamp Xander]

So, who do  
you kill for fun around here?

[7](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,i-7)

**Vamp Xander**   


Humans, Romans, countrymen,  
They lend us their ears  
Demons in the service of that dread lord Adam,  
Minions in the service of the creamy goddess,  
Black clad soldiers,  
Tweed clad watchers,  
And it seems these days Slayers  
Come in threes and fours.

[8](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,i-8)

**Drucilla**   


Slayers, kill them for us,  
Kill them all dead  
He is dead and gone, lady,  
He is dead and gone;  
At his head a grass-green turf,  
At his heels a stone.

[9](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,i-9)

**Vamp Xander**   


Since brevity is the soul of  
wit,  
And tediousness the limbs and outward flourishes,  
I will be brief: your noble lady is mad:  
Mad call I it; for, to define true madness,  
What is't but to be nothing else but mad?  
But let that go.

[10](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,i-10)

**Spike**   


Let me not to marriage to two  
minds  
Admit impediment.  
But rather, take these boots  
Made for walking,  
To walk all over Slayers.

[Enter Darla and Vamp Willow]

**Darla**   


Words, words, words,  
Brave  
words from love's bitch

[11](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,i-11)

Now souls drown, wherein he  
dress'd himself,

In grief. Wakes to look so green and pale  
At what once he did so freely? From this time  
Such I account Angel's love. Art afeard  
To be the same in his own act and valour  
As his art in death? Wouldst he have that  
Which he esteem'st the ornament of life,  
And live a coward in mine own esteem,  
Letting 'I dare not' wait upon 'I would,'  
Like the poor cat i' the adage?  
Now injuries to wounds, he loves, loves  
Some trammeled chick of a Slayer.

[12](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,i-12)

**Vamp Willow**   


O, beware, my lady, of  
jealousy;  
It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock  
The meat it feeds on; that cuckold lives in bliss  
Who, certain of his fate, loves not his wronger;  
But, O, what damned minutes tells he o'er  
Who dotes, yet doubts, suspects, yet strongly loves!

**Darla**   


[Taking Vamp Willow by the  
throat]

Villain, be sure thou prove my Angelus loves,  
Be sure of it; give me the ocular proof:  
Or by the worth of man's eternal soul,  
Thou hadst been better have been born a dog  
Than answer my waked wrath!

[13](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,i-13)

**Drucilla**   


[Singing]

The poor soul sat  
sighing by a sycamore tree,  
Sing all a green willow:  
Her hand on her bosom, her head on her knee,  
Sing willow, willow, willow:  
The fresh streams ran by her, and murmur'd her moans;  
Sing willow, willow, willow;  
Her salt tears fell from her, and soften'd the stones;  
Lay by these:--  
Nay, that's not next.--Hark! who is't that knocks?

**Spike**   


It's the wind, love

**Vamp Willow**   


[To Darla]

I yawn at thee  
Is't come to this?

[14](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,i-14)

**Darla**   


[Releases Vamp Willow]

What  
we were informs who we are,  
To be more what we were, he would  
Be so much more than man. Nor time nor place  
Did then adhere, and yet he would make both:  
They have made themselves, and that their fitness now  
Does unmake him. I have given suck, and know  
How tender 'tis to love the childe that sucks me:  
I would, while he was smiling in my face,  
Have pluck'd my nipple from his teeth and gums,  
And dash'd the brains out, had I so changed as he.

  


[15](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,i-15)

**Drucilla**   


Full fathom five my father  
lies;  
Of his bones are coral made;  
Those are pearls that were his eyes:  
Nothing of him that doth fade  
But doth suffer a sea-change  
Into something rich and strange.  
Sea-nymphs hourly ring his knell

**Spike**   


I may be love's bitch,

But at least I'm man enough to admit.  
Angel has suffered a sea change,  
The sea can change him back.  
Magic always has consequences,  
Curses always have outs.

[16](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,i-16)

**Drucilla**   


To-morrow is Saint Valentine's  
day,  
All in the morning betime,  
And I a maid at your window,  
To be your soulful Valentine.  
To make the beast with two backs,  
Spending soul upon itself, die.  
Then up he rose, and donn'd his clothes,  
And dupp'd the chamber-door;  
Let in the maid, that out a maid  
Never departed more.

[17](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,i-17)

**Darla**   


To dye black his new cursed  
soul,  
In the rank sweat of an enseamed bed,  
Stew'd in corruption, honeying and making love  
Over the nasty sty,--  
I kissed my Angel ere I killed him.  
No way but this;  
That death's unnatural that kills for loving  
Dying myself, to die upon a kiss.

[18](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,i-18)

[To Spike]

My ungentle  
Spike, come hither. Thou rememberest  
Since once I sat upon a promontory,  
And heard a mermaid on a dolphin's back  
Uttering such dulcet and harmonious breath  
That the rude sea grew civil at her song  
And certain stars shot madly from their spheres,  
To hear the sea-maid's music.

**Spike**   


I remember.

**Darla**   


That very time I saw, but thou  
couldst not,  
Flying between the cold moon and the earth,  
Cupid all arm'd: a certain aim he took  
But I might see young Cupid's fiery shaft  
Quench'd in the chaste beams of the watery moon,  
Mark'd I where the bolt of Cupid fell:  
It fell upon a little western flower,  
Before milk-white, now purple with love's wound,  
Fetch me that flower; the herb I shew'd thee once:  
The juice of it on sleeping eye-lids laid  
Will make or man or woman madly dote  
Upon the next live creature that it sees.  
Fetch me this herb; and be thou here again  
Ere the leviathan can swim a league.

[19](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,i-19)

**Spike**   


I'll put a girdle round about  
the earth  
I'll go and catch a falling star,  
Get with childe a mandrake root,  
Tell you, where all past years are,  
Or who cleft the Devil's foot,  
Where to hear mermaids singing,  
Or to keep off envy's stinging,  
And find  
What wind  
Serves to advance an dishonest mind.

  


[Black clad commandoes run up,  
slap a chip on Spike's head and run away.]

**Spike**   


Bloody Hell. Owe!

**Darla**   


No Matter, having once this  
juice,  
I'll watch Angelic boy when he sleep,  
And drop the liquor of it in his eyes.  
The next thing then he waking looks upon,  
Be it on lion, bear, or wolf, or bull,  
He shall pursue it with the soul of love:  
I'll make him render up his soul to me.  
Come away.  
[Exuent all]


	7. Act II, Scene ii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But if Faith is the Slayer, What then is Buffy,  
> Or for that matter, Joan?

[Downtown Sunnydale]

[Enter Buffy]

[1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,ii-1)

**Buffy**  
What's in a name? that which  
we call a rose  
By any other name would smell as sweet;  
So Angel would, were he not Angelus call'd,  
Retain that dear perfection which he owes  
Without that title. Angelus, doff thy name,  
And for that name which is no part of thee  
Take all myself.

O Angelus, Angelus! wherefore  
art thou Angel?  
Deny thy sire and refuse thy demon;  
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,  
And I'll no longer be a Slayer of vampires.

[Enter Adam]

Or not.

[2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,ii-2)

**Adam**  


What a piece of work is a man!  
how noble in reason!  
how infinite in faculty! in form and moving how  
express and admirable! in action how like an angel!  
in apprehension how like a god! the beauty of the  
world! the paragon of animals! And yet, to me,  
what is this quintessence of dust? man delights not  
me: no, nor woman neither, though by your smiling  
you seem to say so.

**Buffy**  


There are more things in  
heaven and earth, Adam,  
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

[Adam and Buffy fight]

[3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,ii-3)

**Adam**  


O, wonder!How many goodly  
creatures are there here!  
How beauteous mankind is! O brave new world,  
That has such people in't!

[4](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,ii-4)

**Buffy**  


Something is rotten in  
Sunnydale.

[Alarums, Enter Demons,  
Watchers, Giles, Xander of SD, Willow, and Oz, Alarums, fighting, Oz is  
killed]

**Xander**  


You bastards sons, you hast  
slain Oz.

[5](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,ii-5)

**Willow**  


A silence in the heavens, the  
rack stand still,  
The bold winds speechless and the orb below  
As hush as death, anon the dreadful thunder  
Doth rend the region, so, after Pyrrhus' pause,  
Aroused vengeance sets him new a-work;  
And never did the Cyclops' hammers fall  
On Mars's armour forged for proof eterne  
With less remorse than Pyrrhus' bleeding sword  
Now falls on Priam.  
Out, out, thou strumpet, Fortune! All you gods,  
In general synod 'take away her power;  
Break all the spokes and fellies from her wheel,  
And bowl the round nave down the hill of heaven,  
As low as to the fiends!'

**Xander**  


That's it, This has got to  
stop,  
It is time for me to act like a man  
And hide. Willow, I have known you since  
We were but glimmers  
and you afeared retribution  
for the breaking of a yellow crayon,  
Bring balance to your smittings.  
The Mall was a goodly place before you  
Smote it.

[To Adam and his demons]

Villains, I'd flee now.

[Willow waves hands, smites Demons. Black clad commandoes run up, grab  
a demon and run away.]

[6](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,ii-6)

**Adam**  


All the infections that the  
sun sucks up  
From bogs, fens, flats, on Willow falls and make  
By inch-meal a disease! Your spirits hear me  
And yet I needs must curse. But they'll nor pinch,  
Fright me with urchin--shows, pitch me i' the mire,  
Nor lead me, like a firebrand, in the dark  
For every trifle are they set upon me;  
Their pricks at my footfall; sometime am I  
All wound with adders who with cloven tongues  
Fie a pox upon it.

[Exit Adam]

[7](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,ii-7)

**Buffy**  


We are suffering the  
after-ness  
Of a night of badness

[8](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,ii-8)

Oh, Angel, man-nymph in whose  
orisons,

All my sins be remembered,  
With all my love I do commend me to you:  
And what so poor a woman as Buffy is  
May do, to express her love and friending to you,  
God willing, shall not lack.  
And still your fingers on your lips, I pray.  
The time is out of joint: O cursed spite,  
That ever I was born to set it right!  
I pray, that we two go together.

[Exit Buffy]

**Giles**  


Buffy is fair distracted in  
her affections.  
When you live atop a mystical convergence  
It is only a matter of time before a fresh hell  
Break loose.

**Xander**  


Merry Giles, stop with the  
laugh track.

[Enter Glory/Ben and her/his  
minions]

**Giles**  


Good Lord.

**Xander**  


That was swift

**Glory**  


I'm looking for my key.  
And  
I'm getting very cranky.

[Enter Faith]

[9](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,ii-9)

**Faith**  


'Rise ye sons of heroic SunnyD,

ye sons of warrior fathers  
With your shields on the left protect you  
And with your right your spear hurl boldly  
Spare not in the least your lifeblood  
For this is not like to Sunnydaleans!'

**Glory**  


You, deliver up my key.

[10](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,ii-10)

**Faith**  


Come and get it

**Glory**  


If I win this next battle

I will smite thee, and take thine head from  
thee; and I will give the  
carcases of the host of the Watchers this day unto the fowls of the  
air, and to the wild beasts of the earth; that all the earth may know  
that I should not be messed with.

**Faith**  


If

[Glory and Faith fight. Glory  
breaks her shoe.]

**Glory**  


You broke my new Jimmy Choos.  
Bitch.

[Minions hand Glory Ben's coat. She puts it on]

[11](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,ii-11)

**Ben**  


Not in the face, not in the face

**Faith**  


Wast there not a woman here?

[To Giles]

I am the Slayer, come to resolve your ills.

**Giles**  


But if you are Slayer,  
What then is Buffy,  
Or for that matter, Joan?

[Exit all]

  



	8. Act II, Scene iii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angel and Buffy angst at each other. Riley sonnets.

[Buffy's House]

[Enter  
Angel]

[1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,iii-1)

**Angel**  
He jests at scars that never  
felt a wound.

[Buffy appears on porch]

But, soft! what light through  
yonder window breaks?  
It is the east, and Buffy is the sun.  
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,  
Who is already sick and pale with grief,  
Her vestal livery is but sick and green  
And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.  
It is my lady, O, it is my love!  
See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!  
O, that I were a glove upon that hand,  
That I might touch that cheek!

**Buffy**  
Ay me!

**Angel**  
She speaks: O, speak again,  
bright angel! for thou art  
As glorious to this night, being o'er my head  
As is a winged messenger of heaven  
Unto the white-upturned wondering eyes  
Of mortals that fall back to gaze on him  
When he bestrides the lazy-pacing clouds  
And sails upon the bosom of the air.

**Buffy**  
Tis but soulless nature and  
evil nature,  
Thy undead flesh and inability to have children,  
Walk in the sunlight, that is my enemy;  
Thou art thyself, though not a vampire.  
What's Vampire? it is nor hand, nor foot,  
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part  
Well, maybe the wrinkly forehead and teeth,  
But no part of any other part  
Belonging to a man. O, be some other soul!  
Take all myself.

**Angel**  
I take thee at thy word:  
For  
I have a soul, Gypsy curse, long story  
Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized;  
Henceforth I never will be Angelus, but only your Angel.

**Buffy**  
By whose direction found'st  
thou out this place?

**Angel**  
By love, who first did prompt  
me to inquire;  
He lent me counsel and I lent him eyes.  
I am no pilot; yet, wert thou as far  
As that vast shore wash'd with the farthest sea,  
I would adventure for such merchandise.

**Buffy**   


Thou know'st the mask of night  
is on my face,  
Else would a maiden blush bepaint my cheek  
For that which thou hast heard me speak to-night  
Fain would I dwell on form, fain, fain deny  
What I have spoke: but farewell compliment!  
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say 'Ay,'  
And I will take thy word: yet if thou swear'st,  
Thou mayst prove false; at lovers' perjuries  
Then say, Jove laughs. O gentle Angel,  
If thou dost love, pronounce it faithfully:  
Or if thou think'st I am too quickly won,  
I'll frown and be perverse an say thee nay,  
So thou wilt woo; but else, not for the world.  
In truth, fair vampire, I am too fond,  
And therefore thou mayst think my 'havior light:  
My true love's passion: therefore pardon me,  
And not impute this yielding to light love,  
Which the dark night hath so discovered.

  


**Angel**   


If my heart's dear love--

**Buffy**   


Well, do not swear: although I  
joy in thee,  
I have no joy of this contract to-night:  
It is too rash, too unadvised, too sudden;  
Too like the lightning, which doth cease to be  
Ere one can say 'It lightens.' Sweet, good night!  
This bud of love, by summer's ripening breath,  
May prove a beauteous flower when next we meet.  
Good night, good night! as sweet repose and rest  
Come to thy heart as that within my breast!

[2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,iii-2)

**Angel**   


Doubt thou the stars are fire;  
Doubt that the sun doth move;  
Doubt truth to be a liar;  
But never doubt I love.

[They kiss. Enter Riley, as  
black clad commando]

[3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,iii-3)

**Buffy**   


[To Angel]

Take him and cut  
him out in little stars,  
And he will make the face of heaven so fine  
That all the world will be in love with night  
And pay no worship to the garish sun.  
O, I have bought the mansion of a love,  
But not possess'd it, and, though I am sold,  
Not yet enjoy'd: so tedious is this day  
As is the night before some festival  
To an impatient child that hath new robes  
And may not wear them.

[4](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,iii-4)

**Angel**   


O, wilt thou leave me so  
unsatisfied?

**Buffy**   


What satisfaction canst thou  
have to-night?

**Angel**   


The exchange of thy love's  
faithful vow for mine.  
The favor of your affections

**Buffy**   


I gave thee mine before thou  
didst request it:  
But to be frank, and give it thee again.  
And yet I wish but for the thing I have:  
My bounty is as boundless as the sea,  
My love as deep; the more I give to thee,  
The more I have, for both are infinite.

[Exuent Angel and Buffy]

[5](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aII,iii-5)

**Riley**   


So, full of grace, her name is  
Buffy  
My mistress' eyes are like the sun;  
Coral is far less red than her lips' red;  
If snow be white, why then her breasts are sunny;  
If hairs be wires, golden beams grow on her head.  
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,  
But lots of such roses see I in her cheeks;  
And in some perfumes is there no more delight  
Than in the breath that from my mistress creeps.  
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know  
That music hath a far less pleasing sound;  
I grant I never saw a goddess go;  
My mistress, when she walks, floats or the ground:  
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare  
As any she belied with false compare.

[Exit Riley]

  



	9. Act III, Scene i

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angelus (as opposed to Angel) kills Jenny. Annoys the Mayor, who exiles him for being both a borrower and a lender (and a killer-killer.)

[Buffy's House]

[Enter Angelus]

[1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIII,i-1)

**Angelus**   


Now is the winter of our discontent  
Made  
glorious summer by this Sun of Dale;  
And all the clouds that lour'd upon our house  
In the deep bosom of the ocean buried.  
Now are our brows bound with victorious wreaths;  
I have made the beast with two backs and  
Have felt my loathsome soul torn asunder.  
Our bruised arms hung up for monuments;  
Our stern alarums changed to merry meetings,  
Our dreadful marches to delightful measures.  
Grim-visaged war hath smooth'd his wrinkled front;  
And now, instead of mounting barded steeds  
To fright the souls of fearful adversaries,  
He capers nimbly in a lady's chamber  
And therefore, since I have proved a lover,  
To entertain these fair well-spoken days,  
I am determined to prove a villain

[Enter Jenny, Angelus kills Jenny]  
[2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIII,i-2)

**Jenny**   


O wherefore, Nature, didst thou vamps  
frame?  
Since vamps vile hath here deflower'd my life:  
Which is--no, no--which was the fairest  
That lived, that loved, that liked, that look'd  
with cheer.  
Come, tears, confound;  
Thus die I, thus, thus, thus.  
Now am I dead,  
Now am I fled;  
My soul is in the sky:  
Tongue, lose thy light;  
Moon take thy flight:  
Now die, die, die, die, die.

[Dies]

**Angelus**   


No die, but an ace, for her; for she is but  
one.  
I want for many.

[Enter Mayor and minions]

[3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIII,i-3)

**Mayor**  
What another one, devouring demon

At this pace, the town shall empty,  
Ere I accend.  
And for that offence  
Immediately I do exile you hence:  
Let Angelus hence in haste,  
Else, when he's found, that hour is his last.  
Bear hence this body and attend our will:  
Mercy but murders, pardoning those that kill.

[Angelus attacks Mayor]

Now, now, temper temper, neither a borrower or a lender be,  
Shoo, into the woods with you.

[Exit Angelus]

And now then troops, let's all remember  
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.  
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,  
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;  
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment  
Of each new-hatch'd, unfledged comrade. Beware  
Of entrance to a quarrel, but being in,  
Bear't that the opposed may beware of thee.  
Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice;  
Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgment.  
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,  
not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy;  
For the apparel oft proclaims the man,  
Neither a borrower nor a lender be;  
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,  
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.  
This above all: practice good dental hygiene,  
One and all.

[Exit Mayor and minions]

  



	10. Act III, Scene ii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My Watcher Giles, oh, that the Lady Jenny is slain,  
> Your fair lady Jenny and twas I who unleashed the fiend.  
> The fault lies with me alone.

[Buffy's House]

[Enter [1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIII,ii-1)

**Buffy**  
Gallop apace, you fiery-footed  
steeds,  
Towards Phoebus' lodging: such a wagoner  
As Phaethon would whip you to the west,  
And bring in cloudy night immediately.  
Spread thy close curtain, love-performing night,  
That runaway's eyes may wink and Angel  
Leap to these arms, untalk'd of and unseen.  
Lovers can see to do their amorous rites  
By their own beauties; or, if love be blind,  
It best agrees with night. Come, civil night,  
Thou sober-suited matron, all in black,  
With thy black mantle; till strange love, grown bold,  
Think true love acted simple modesty.  
Come, night; come, Angel; come, thou day in night;  
For thou wilt lie upon the wings of night  
Whiter than new snow on a raven's back.  
Come, gentle night, come, loving, black-brow'd night,  
Give me my Angel;

[Enter Willow and Xander of  
Sunnydale]

**Xander of Sunnydale**  
Jenny is dead, and Angelus  
fled into the woods;  
Angelus that kill'd her, he is banished.  
There's no trust,  
No faith, no honesty in men; all perjured,  
All forsworn, all naught, all dissemblers.  
Ah, where's my lady? give me some aqua vitae:  
These griefs, these woes, these sorrows make me old.  
Shame come to Angelus!  
May his phallus get diseases from the Chumash tribe

**Buffy**  
Ay me! what news? why dost  
thou wring thy hands?

Shall I speak ill of him that  
is my love?  
Ah, poor my lord, what tongue shall smooth thy name,  
When I, thy three-hours lover, have mangled it?  
But, wherefore, villain, didst thou kill my friend?  
In that word's death; no words can that woe sound.  
O serpent heart, hid with a flowering face!  
Did ever dragon keep so fair a cave?  
Beautiful tyrant! fiend angelical!  
Dove-feather'd raven! wolvish-ravening lamb!  
Despised substance of divinest show!  
Just opposite to what thou justly seem'st,  
A damned saint, an honourable villain!  
O nature, what hadst thou to do in hell,  
When thou didst bower the spirit of a fiend  
In moral paradise of such sweet flesh?  
Was ever book containing such vile matter  
So fairly bound? O that deceit should dwell  
In such a gorgeous palace!

[Enter Giles]

My Watcher Giles, oh, that the  
Lady Jenny is slain,  
Your fair lady Jenny and twas I who unleashed the  
fiend.  
The fault lies with me alone.

[2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIII,ii-2)

**Giles**  
With fortune in men's eyes  
You all alone bewail your outcast state  
And trouble heaven with your bootless cries,  
Know too that you are in this not alone.  
Dost thou wish for me to wag my finger  
To say that thou hast rushed too rashly in?  
You did and I can do such, if thou wish.  
But we are not to know fate's turning wheel,  
The coming days shalt be hard, but if tis  
Guilt that you are looking for, good Buffy,  
Then I am not your man. All thou wilst get  
From me is my support and my respect.

  


**Buffy**  
I must into the woods go, to  
discover what?  
Why he who was but late within my arms,  
Has turned so.

[Exit all]


	11. Act III, Scene iii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cordelia curses at Xander of Sunnydale having seen Xander of Oxnard and Vamp Xander up to no good. Anyanka agrees to curse him (but who). Gloria is somewhat confusing in her references to a key and is led off into the woods.

[Downtown  
Sunnydale]

[Enter Cordelia and Xander of Sunnydale]

[1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIII,iii-1)

**Cordelia**   


Thou whoreson,  
senseless villain!

**Xander of Sunnydale**   


I would I were  
senseless, sir, that I might not feel your blows.

**Cordelia**   


Thou art sensible  
in nothing but blows, and so is an ass.

**Xander of Sunnydale**   


I am an ass,  
indeed; you may prove it by my longears.  
I have nothing at thy hands  
for my service but blows.  
When I am cold, thou heats me with beating;  
when  
I am warm, thy cools me  
with beating; I am waked with it when I sleep;  
raised with it when I sit; driven out of doors  
with it when I go from  
home; welcomed home  
with it when I return; nay, I bear it on my shoulders,

as a beggar wont her brat; and,  
I think when thy hath lamed me,  
I shall  
beg with it from door to door.

[Exit Xander]

**Cordelia**   


Come back villain,  
that I might beat thee more  
To bait fish withal: if my  
anger will feed nothing else,  
it will feed my revenge.  
He hath disgraced me, laughed at my losses,  
Mocked at my gains, scorned my nation  
Thwarted my bargains, cooled my friends,  
Heated mine enemies; and what's his reason?  
I am popular. Hath not a popular girl eyes?  
Hath not the in crowd hands, organs,  
Dimensions, senses, affections, passions? fed with  
The same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject  
To the same diseases, healed by the same means,  
Warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer,  
As a reject is? If you prick us, do we not bleed?  
if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison  
us, do we not die? and if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?  
If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that.  
If a popular girl wrong a reject,  
what is his humility? Revenge. If a pathetic looser  
wrong a popular person, what should his sufferance be by  
looser example? Why, revenge. The villany you  
teach me, I will execute, and it shall go hard but I will better the  
instruction.

[2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIII,iii-2)   


[Enter Anyanka]

[3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIII,iii-3)

**Anyanka**   


With cat-like  
tread,  
Upon our prey we steal;  
In silence dread,  
Our cautious way we feel.  
No sound at all!  
We never speak a word;  
A fly's foot-fall  
Would be distinctly heard—Come, friend, who's wronged by men,  
Turn to agitation;  
Take another station;  
Let's vary vengeancey  
With a little justicey!  
Sometimes don't you just wish…

**Cordelia**   


I wish for the  
world to see with my view,  
That speaking Ass that oft brayed before me.

**Anyanka**   


Well, it's no  
brave new world, but well enough,  
Done, now may I gather my Viking to  
make our  
Way homeward bound through the woods  
Dark and deep.

[Exit Anyanka]

**Cordelia **   


Yeah,  
whatever-eth.

  


[Enter Glory and  
Minions]

[4](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIII,iii-4)

**1st Minion**   


O how much more  
doth beauty beauteous seem  
By that sweet ornament which Glory doth give.

[5](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIII,iii-5)

**2nd Minion**   


Thy bosom is  
endeared with all hearts  
Which I by lacking have supposed dead,  
And there reigns Glory

**Glory**   


You minion are too  
saucy  
You minion are too sweet

[To Cordelia]

[6](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIII,iii-6)   


O grim-look'd  
night! O night with hue so black!  
O night, which ever art when day is  
not!  
O night, O night! alack, alack, alack,  
I fear my key's promise is forgot!  
And thou, O wench, O sweet, O lovely woman,  
That stand'st between me and mine key!  
Thou wall, O wench, O sweet and lovely woman,  
Show me my key, or I'll make thee to blink through with mine eye!

**Cordelia**   


Thy key I have  
naught, but oft have I seen  
Adam, the demon knight, wear it upon a chain  
About his neck and from time to time take it out to sigh upon.

**Glory**   


Thanks, courteous  
wench: Jove shield thee well for this!  
But what see I? No Adam do I see.  
O wicked woman, through whom I see no bliss!  
Cursed be thy flesh for thus deceiving me!

**Cordelia**   


Patience good  
woman, demon, goddess, person,  
Adam has into the woods fled,  
Following his defeat at the hands of  
Joan or Buffy or Faith, I know not which,  
The Vampire Slayer.

[Glory hugs Cordelia, black clad commandoes run across stage, grab one  
of Glory's minions and run away.]

**Glory**   


My thanks again  
good woman.  
Into the woods then shall we go.

[Exit Glory and minions]

**Cordelia**   


Alls well that  
ends well  
And good riddance to bad rubbish.

[Exit Cordelia]


	12. Act IV, Scene i

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alliances are declared. The Buffybot still can't find anyone.

[1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,i-1)

[Sunnydale Woods]

[Enter  
Joss Whedon. Exit, pursued by a bear.]

[Enter Buffybot]

**Buffybot**  
Helloooo, hellooo, is anyone  
here?

[Exit Buffybot]

[Enter Angelus]

[2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,i-2)

**Angelus**  
O, why should wrath be mute,  
and fury dumb?  
I am no baby, I, that with base prayers  
I should repent the evils I have done:  
Ten thousand worse than ever yet I did  
Would I perform, if I might have my will;  
If one good deed in all my life I did,  
I do repent it from my very soul.

[Enter Xander of Oxnard and  
Anyanka]

[3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,i-3)

Why man, you doth bestride the  
narrow world  
Like a Colossus, and we petty vamps  
Walk under you huge legs, and peep about,  
How kind, how generous,  
you brought me lunch  
And such a pretty lunch it is too.

**Xander of Oxnard**  
What do we leave the town,

Only to be followed by mad men in the wood?

[4](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,i-4)

**Angelus **  
Your betters have endured me  
say my mind,  
And if you cannot, best you stop your ears.  
Or better use then I shall rip them off,  
My tongue will tell the anger of my heart,  
Or else my heart concealing it will break,  
And rather than it shall, I will be free  
Even to the uttermost, as I please, in words  
In deeds, in acts as black as blackest night.

[5](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,i-5)

**Anyanka**  
You don't tug on Superman's  
cape  
You don't spit into the wind  
You don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger  
And you don't mess around with me

[Waves hand and Angelus sits down on  
the ground]

That's much better.

  


[Enter Adam and Glory and  
their assorted minions, fighting]

[6](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,i-6)

**Glory**  
And I saw an angel come down  
from heaven, having the key of the bottomless pit and a great chain in his  
hand.  
And he laid hold on the dragon, that old serpent, which is the  
Devil, and Satan, and bound him a thousand years, and since you're the  
ugliest demon around, you must have my key.

[7](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,i-7)

**Adam**  
You foolish wench, wherefore  
do you follow rail at me,  
Like foggy south puffing with wind and rain?  
I have not your key

[Alarums, Adam and Glory  
fight, enter Donkey headed Xander of Sunnydale]

[8](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,i-8)

**Donkey headed Xander of  
Sunnydale**  
They would make an ass of me;  
to fright me, if they could.  
But I will not stir  
from this wood, do what they can: I will walk up  
and down here, and I will sing, that they shall hear  
I am not afraid.

[Sings]

The ousel cock so black of hue,  
With orange-tawny bill,  
The throstle with his note so true,  
The wren with little quill,--

[Sees Adam and Glory]

[9](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,i-9)

Can I say one thing? HELLLLPPP!

[Enter Buffy, Faith and  
Wesley, dressed in woman's clothes as Joan the Vampire Slayer from  
opposite ends of the stage]

**Xander of Sunnydale**  
Yeah, err, verily, that was  
quick-eth, err.

[10](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,i-10)

**Wesley**  
[To Adam]

What will you do,  
good metalhead Break a lance  
And run a-tilt at death within a chair

[Wesley fights with Adam]

[11](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,i-11)

**Faith**  
[To Wesley]

Of saucy and  
audacious eloquence,  
Madam, I'll follow you unto the death.

[To Glory]

To die is such a noble journey ... Shouldn't you have gone too?'

[Faith fights with Glory]

[12](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,i-12)

**Wesley**  
[Alarums, Wesley turns to  
fight Glory]

[To Faith]

Men may say more, swear more: but indeed  
Our shows are more than will; for still we prove much in our vows.

[Aside]

A blank, never telling love,  
But let concealment, like a worm i' the bud,  
Feed on false damsel cheek: pined in thought,  
And with a green and yellow melancholy  
Sit like patience on a monument,  
Smiling at grief. Is not this love indeed?  
She looks as freshly as the day we wrestled,  
These may well be called Jove's trees when it drops forth such fruit

[13](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,i-13)

**Faith**  
[Faith turns to fight Adam]

So, you may put a man in your belly,

but not in good faith.  
Men  
are best at exit lines, not vows,  
For they are always making to remove.

[15](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,i-15)

**Wesley**  
So, I misuse my sex in  
loveprate. And yet, I'd have the truth,  
Pull my armor over my head and  
show the world what the bird haith done to his own nest.

[Alarums, fighting]

[16](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,i-16)

**Buffy**  
[To Angelus]

Had I been  
seized by a hungry lion,  
I would have been a breakfast to the beast,  
Rather than have false Angelus met.  
O, Heaven be judge how I love Angel,  
Whose life's as tender to me as my soul!  
And full as much, for more there cannot be,  
I do detest false perjured Angelus.  
Therefore be gone; solicit me no more,  
Why sit you so silent, speak.

  


[17](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,i-17)

**Anyanka**  
And it is, it is a glorious  
thing  
To be a Vengeance Demon!

**Demon Back up singers**  
It is!  
Hurrah for the Vengeance Demon!  
Hurrah for the Vengeance Demon!

**Anyanka**  
When I sally forth to seek my  
prey  
I help myself in a royal way.  
I sink a few more relation-ships, it's true,  
Than a well-bred monarch ought to do;  
But many a demon with a first-class wish,  
If she wants to call his amulet her own,  
Must manage somehow to get through  
More dirty work than e'er I do,  
For I am a Vengeance Demon!!  
And it is, it is a glorious thing  
To be a Vengeance Demon!!  
For I am a Vengeance Demon!!  
And, well, listen honey if he done you wrong.  
Make a wish and make it right.

[18](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,i-18)

**Angelus**  
When in disgrace with fortune  
and men's eyes  
You all alone beweep your outcast state,  
And trouble deaf heaven with bootless cries  
What then do you have?

[19](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,i-19)

**Buffy**  
This above all: to thine  
ownself be true,  
And it must follow, as the night the day,  
Thou canst not then be false to any man.  
Farewell: my blessing season this in thee!

[Buffy kicks Angelus, who falls over]

[Alarums, Wesley, Faith, Adam,  
Glory, and minions fight, Enter Spike and Vamp Xander]

[20](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,i-20)

**Spike**  
Through the forest have I  
gone.  
But Angelus found I none,  
On whose eyes I might approve  
This flower's force in stirring love.  
Night and silence.--Who is here?  
Weeds of poofdom he doth wear:  
Churl, upon thy eyes I throw  
All the power this charm doth owe.  
When thou wakest, let love forbid  
Sleep his seat on thy eyelid:

[Spike trips, the philter flies into the air and lands on everyone.]

[Minions fall to making out.]

[21](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,i-21)

**Buffy**  
[to Angelus]

You have done  
me much ungentleness

**Angelus**  
I care not if I have, it is my  
study  
To seem despiteful and ungentle to you.

[To Spike]

Tell this drab what 'tis to love.

**Spike**  
It is made of saigs and tears,  
And so I am for Buffy.

**Faith**  
And I for Buffy

**Anyanka**  
And I for vampish Xander

**Angelus**  
And I for Joan.

**Xander of Oxnard**  
And I for no woman, but for  
the self  
That wears an ass' face.

**Drucilla**  
Into hey, nonny, nonny

**Glory**  
And I for Adam

**Adam**  
And I for Glory

[22](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,i-22)

**Glory**  
[To Adam]

Most sweet King

**Adam**  
Nay, pray you, seek no colour  
for your going,  
But bid farewell, and go: when you sued staying,  
Then was the time for words: no going then;  
Eternity was in our lips and eyes,  
Bliss in our brows' bent; none our parts so poor,  
But was a race of heaven: they are so still,  
Or thou, the greatest soldier of the world,  
Art turn'd the greatest liar.  
To deny my key that would turn thy lock.

**Glory**  
How now, lord!

**Adam**  
I would I had thy chest; thou  
shouldst know  
There were a heart in Nilus.

**Glory**  
Quarrel no more, but be  
prepared to know  
The purposes I bear; which are, or cease,  
As you shall give the advice. By the fire  
That quickens Nilus' slime, I go from hence  
Thy soldier, servant; making peace or war  
As thou affect'st.

**Adam**  
'Tis sweating labourTo bear  
such idleness so near the heart  
As Adam this. But, madam, forgive me;  
Since my becomings kill me, when they do not  
And all the gods, like you, go with you!  
Upon your sword sit laurel victory!  
And smooth success be strew'd before your feet!

**Glory**  
Let us go. Come;Talk no  
more of keys,  
That thou, residing here, go'st yet with me,  
And I, hence fleeting, here remain with thee. Away!

[Exit Adam and Glory]

**Donkey Headed Xander of  
Sunnydale**  
Huh.

[sees Vamp Xander and  
Xander of Oxnard]

Hey!

[23](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,i-23)

**Anyanka**  
[To Vamp Xander]

There's  
things that you guess  
And things that you know  
There's girls that you can trust  
And girls that you don't  
I swear I won't tease you  
Won't tell you no lies  
Every woman's got her patience  
And here's where my ends  
I want your sex  
I want your love  
I want your.....sex  
C-c-c-c-come on.

**Vamp Xander**  
This sounds to the good, let  
us go.

[Exit Anyanka and Vamp Xander]

[24](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,i-24)

**Xander of Oxnard**  
[To Donkey Headed Xander of  
Sunnydale]

Come, sit thee down upon this flowery bed,  
While I thy amiable cheeks do coy,  
And stick musk-roses in thy sleek smooth head,  
And kiss thy fair large ears, my gentle joy.

  


[25](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,i-25)

**Donkey Headed Xander of  
Sunnydale**  
This man is Genius to the  
myself;  
My face, while I wear that of an ass,  
You stole my face, Hey!

[26](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,i-26)

**Xander of Oxnard**  
What, wilt thou hear some  
music,my sweet love?

**Donkey Headed Xander of  
Sunnydale**  
This doth take the love of  
self,  
Too Far, And but moments gone,  
I saw the Lady Anyanka leave with  
Another me, this place madness is.

[Exuent Donkey Headed Xander of Sunnydale pursued by Xander of Oxnard]

[27](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,i-27)

**Angelus**  
[To Wesley]

More wonderful,  
when angels are so angry.  
Vouchsafe, divine perfection of a woman,  
Of these supposed-evils, to give me leave,  
By circumstance, but to acquit myself.

**Wesley**  
[To Angelus]

Vouchsafe,  
defused infection of a man,  
For these known evils, but to give me leave,  
By circumstance, to curse thy cursed self.

**Angelus**  
[To Wesley]

Your beauty was  
the cause of that effect;  
Your beauty: which did haunt me in my sleep  
To undertake the death of all the world,  
So I might live one hour in your sweet bosom.

[Aside]

Was ever woman in this humour woo'd?  
Was ever woman in this humour won?  
I'll have her; but I will not keep her long.  
What! I, that kill'd her,  
To take her in her heart's extremest hate,  
With curses in her mouth, tears in her eyes,  
The bleeding witness of her hatred by;  
Having God, her conscience, and these bars  
against me,  
And I nothing to back my suit at all,  
But the plain devil and dissembling looks,  
And yet to win her, all the world to nothing!  
Ha!

**Wesley**  
I'm standing right here.

[Exit Wesley stage left, pursued by Angelus]

  


**Buffy**  
Love makes you do the wacky,  
But this?

[28](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,i-28)

**Spike**  
[To Buffy]

O, from what  
power hast thou this powerful might  
With insufficiency my heart to sway?  
To make me give the lie to my true sight,  
And swear that brightness doth not grace the day?  
Whence hast thou this becoming of things ill,  
That in the very refuse of thy deeds  
There is such strength and warrantize of skill  
That, in my mind, thy best all worst exceeds?  
Who taught thee how to make me love thee more  
The more I hear and see just cause of hate?  
O, though I love what others do abhor,  
With others thou shouldst not abhor my state:  
If thy worthiness raised love in me,  
More worthy I to be beloved of thee.

[29](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,i-29)

**Buffy**  
[To Spike]

My will is even  
this:  
That presently you hie you home to bed.  
Thou subtle, perjured, false, disloyal man!  
Think'st thou I am so shallow, so conceitless,  
To be seduced by thy flattery,  
For me, by this pale queen of night I swear,  
I am so far from granting thy love  
That I despise thee for thy wrongful suit,  
And by and by intend to chide myself  
Even for this time I spend in talking to thee.

[30](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,i-30)

**Faith**  
[To Buffy]

O Buffy, goddess,  
nymph, perfect, divine!  
To what, my love, shall I compare thine eyne?  
Crystal is muddy. O, how ripe in show  
Thy lips, those kissing cherries, tempting grow!  
That pure congealed white, high Taurus snow,  
Fann'd with the eastern wind, turns to a crow  
When thou hold'st up thy hand: O, let me kiss  
This princess of pure white, this seal of bliss!

  


**Buffy**  
O spite! O hell! I see you all  
are bent  
To set against me for your merriment:  
If you we re civil and knew courtesy,  
You would not do me thus much injury.  
Can you not hate me, as I know you do,  
But you must join in souls to mock me too?  
To vow, and swear, and super praise my parts,  
When I am sure you hate me with your hearts.  
A trim exploit, a manly enterprise,  
To conjure tears up in a poor maid's eyes  
With your derision! none of noble sort  
Would so offend a maid, and extort  
A poor soul's patience, all to make you sport.

**Faith**  
You are unkind, Spike; be not  
so;  
For you love Drucilla; this you know I know:  
And here, with all good will, with all my heart,  
In Buffy's love I yield you up my slaying;  
And yours of Buffy to me bequeath,  
Whom I do love and will do till my death.

**Spike**  
Sod that

[Faith and Spike  
fight]

**Buffy**  
Never did mockers waste more  
idle breath.

[Exit Buffy pursued by Faith and Spike]

  


[Enter Buffybot]

**Buffybot**  
Hellloo, helloo, is anyone  
here?

[To mass o' minions]

I'm  
looking for me.  
Have you seen me?  
Okay, bye now.

[Exit Buffybot]


	13. Act IV, Scene ii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alas, love has gone awry. Or what I have a twin?

[Enter Buffy and Spike]

[1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-1)

**Spike**  
Come, lady, come; you have  
lost the heart of  
Angelus.

**Buffy**  
Indeed, Relentless, he lent it  
me awhile; and I gave  
him use for it, a double heart for his single one:  
marry, once before he won it of me with false dice,  
therefore you may well say I have lost it.

[2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-2)

Would that you were as  
removable.

**Spike**  
Why, what's a movable?

**Buffy**  
A joint-stool.

**Spike**  
Thou has hit it. Come, sit on  
me.

**Buffy**  
Asses are made to bear, and so  
are you.

[They fight]

**Spike**  
Women are made to bear, and so  
are you.

**Buffy**  
No such jade as you, if me you  
mean.

**Spike**  
Alas! good Buffy, I will not  
burden thee;  
For, knowing thee to be but young and light—

[They fight]

**Buffy**  
Too light for such a swain as  
you to catch;  
And yet as heavy as my weight should be.

[They fight]

**Spike**  
Come, come, you wasp; i'  
faith, you are too angry.

**Buffy**  
If I be waspish, best beware  
my sting.

**Spike**  
My remedy is then, to pluck it  
out.

[They kiss]

**Buffy**  
Was there ever one so  
troubled,  
To love and love not love.  
To fall from heaven and angel's grace.

[They kiss]

[3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-3)

**Spike**  
In faith, I do not love thee  
with mine eyes,  
For they in thee a thousand errors note;  
But 'tis my heart that loves what they despise,  
Who in despite of view is pleased to dote;  
Nor are mine ears with thy tongue's tune delighted,  
Nor tender feeling, to base touches prone,  
Nor taste, nor smell, desire to be invited  
To any sensual feast with thee alone:  
But my five wits nor my five senses can  
Dissuade one foolish heart from serving thee,  
Who leaves unsway'd the likeness of a man,  
Thy proud hearts slave and vassal wretch to be:  
Only my plague thus far I count my gain,  
That she that makes me sin awards me pain.

[4](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-4)

**Buffy**  
Angels and ministers of grace  
defend us.  
Why, such is love's transgression.  
Griefs of mine own lie heavy in my breast,  
Which thou wilt propagate, to have it prest  
With more of thine: this love that thou hast shown  
Doth add more grief to too much of mine own.  
Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs;  
Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes;  
Being vex'd a sea nourish'd with lovers' tears:  
What is it else? a madness most discreet,  
A choking gall and a preserving sweet.  
Souless creature away.

[Enter Riley and black clad  
commandoes]

[5](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-5)

**Riley**  
From the east to western  
Hannalee,  
No jewel is like Buffy.  
Her worth, being counted heavenly,  
Through all the world bears Buffy.  
All the pictures fairest unitary  
Are but black to Buffy.  
Let no fair be kept in psyche  
But the fair of Buffy.

[Enter Faith, she strikes  
Riley unconscious]

[6](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-6)

**Faith**  
Love is a battlefield, war is  
hell

From fairest creatures we desire surcease,  
Corrupt, un-corrupt, and licorous in desire!  
Not more competition

[Black clad commandoes remove Riley from the stage]

[Enter Vamp Willow, Darla and  
Drucilla]

[7](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-7)

**Darla**  
Even where Angelus' lustful  
eye or savage heart,  
Without control, listed to make his prey.  
I miss him so.  
Spike, bring you the philter?

[8](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-8)

**Drucilla**  
Hung be the heavens with  
black, yield day to night!  
Comets, importing change of times and states,  
Brandish your crystal tresses in the sky,  
And with them scourge the bad revolting stars  
That have consented unto play!

[9](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-9)

**Faith**  
[To Buffy]

By heaven, that  
thou art fair, is most infallible;  
true, that thou art beauteous; truth itself, that  
thou art lovely. More fairer than fair, beautiful  
than beauteous, truer than truth itself, have  
commiseration on thy heroical vassal!

[10](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-10)

**Spike**  
[To Faith]

Aroint thee, you  
cow, I'm the bleedin' poet.

[To Buffy]

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?  
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:  
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,  
And summer's lease hath all too short a date:  
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,  
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;  
And every fair from fair sometime declines,  
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;  
But thy eternal Summer shall not fade  
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;  
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,  
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:  
So long as Slayers can breathe or eyes can see,  
So long lives line and line gives life to thee.

[Exit Faith hits Spike]

**Spike**  
I have loved her first.

**Faith**  
I have loved her best.

[11](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-11)

**Drucilla**  
By Gis and by Saint Charity,

Alack, and fie for shame!  
Young men will do't, if they come to't;  
By cock, they are to blame.  
Quoth she, before you tumbled me,  
You promised me to wed.  
So would I ha' done, by yonder sun,  
An thou hadst not come to my bed.

[12](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-12)

**Buffy**  
Now I perceive that they have  
conjoined all

To fashion this false sport in spite of me.

[13](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-13)

**Vamp Willow**  
Darla, your eyes drop  
millstones, when fools' eyes drop tears:  
It would seem Spike has set  
your draught amiss.  
Splash. Hoist with his own petard: that's just neat.

  


[Enter Joan/Wesley pursued by  
Angelus]

[14](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-14)

**Angelus**  
Even now I curse the day--and  
yet, I think,  
Few come within the compass of my aim,--  
Wherein I did not some notorious ill,  
As kill a man, or else devise his death,  
Ravish a maid, or plot the way to do it,  
Accuse some innocent and forswear myself,  
And yet, I'd be an honest villain.

[15](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-15)

Good morrow, Joan, for that is  
your name I hear

**Wesley**  
Well have you heard, but  
something hard of hearing.  
They call me Joan the vampire slayer that do  
talk of me.

[16](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-16)

**Darla**  
The Vampire Slayer that he  
loves,  
With hate in those where I expect most love!  
When I have most need to employ a friend,  
And most assured that he is a friend  
Deep, hollow, treacherous, and full of guile,  
Be he unto me! this do I beg of devils,  
When I am cold in zeal.

**Drucilla**  
Thou wast provoked by thy  
bloody mind.  
Which never dreamt on aught but butcheries:  
Didst thou not kill this king?  
Dost grant me, hedgehog?

[17](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-17)

**Angelus**  
[To Joan/Wesley]

Hearing thy  
fierceness praised in every tow,  
Thy virtues spoke of, and thy beauty sounded  
Myself am moved to woo thee for my wife.

[18](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-18)

**Darla**  
I'll crush herbs in eyes,  
To  
take from thence all error from their sight,

**Drucilla**  
Or would could make daisy  
chains  
Of their hearts.

**Darla**  
That works too.

[19](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-19)

**Buffy**  
Because he loves her, he  
despiseth me.  
Because I love him, I must pity him

[20](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-20)

**Spike**  
You live in this, and dwell in  
lover's eyes

**Faith**  
As much as I love to slayOr  
to do the bottom kicking dance,  
So, too, you.

[21](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-21)

**Buffy**  
[To Spike]

Your heart is  
burst, you have lost your soul

[22](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-22)

**Spike**  
Mark but this flea, and mark  
in this  
How little which thou deny'st me is;  
It sucked me first, and now sucks thee,  
And in this flea our two bloods mingled be:  
Thou know'st that this cannot be said  
A sin, nor shame, nor loss of maidenhead;  
Yet this enjoys before it woo,  
And pampered swells with one blood made of two,  
And this, alas, is more than we would do.

[23](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-23)

If it is soul required, then  
gather I rosebuds  
While I may, for time and I are a flying.

[Exit Spike]

[24](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-24)

**Angelus**  
[To Wesley]

Give me leave,  
beseech you. I did send,  
After the last enchantment you did here,  
Racing in chase of you: so did I abuse  
Myself, my servant feet and, I fear me, you:  
Under your hard construction must I sit,  
To force that on you, in a shameful cunning,  
Which you knew none of yours: what might you think?  
Have you not set mine honour at the stake  
And baited it with all the unmuzzled thoughts  
That tyrannous heart can think? To one of your receiving  
Enough is shown: a cypress, not a bosom,  
Hideth my heart. So, let me hear you speak.

[25](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-25)

**Wesley**  
I pity you.

**Angelus**  
That's a degree to love.

**Wesley**  
No, not a grize; for 'tis a  
vulgar proof,  
That very oft we pity enemies.

**Angelus**  
Why, then, methinks 'tis time  
to smile again.

O, world, how apt the poor are to be proud!  
If one should be a prey, how much the better  
To fall before the lion than the wolf!  
Stay: I prithee, tell me what thou thinkest of me.

**Wesley**  
That you do think you are not  
what you are.

**Angelus**  
If I think so, I think the  
same of you.

**Wesley**  
Then think you right: I am not  
what I am.

**Angelus**  
I would you were as I would  
have you be!

[26](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-26)

**Darla**  
Yet I should kill thee with  
much cherishing.

Then, kill, kill, kill, kill,  
kill, kill! 

[27](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-27)

What? As doth the blushing  
discontented moon  
From out the frigid portal of the east,  
When she perceives the envious clouds are bent  
To dim her glory and to stain the track  
Of her leprous passage to the occident.

[28](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-28)

To discontented members,  
mutinous parts 

**Buffy**  
What then, has Willow too lost  
her soul  
Now, willfully exiled from light.  
Oh, that this is my Slayer's fate, to slay my friends and  
Kill my beloved.

[Buffy strikes Vamp Willow]

**Faith**  
I too am a Vampire Slayer.

[Faith strikes Darla]

**Buffy**  
But, I am the Chosen one

[29](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-29)

**Faith**  
[To Buffy]

Even better, Like  
to a double cherry, seeming parted,  
But yet an union in partition;  
Two lovely berries moulded on one stem;  
So, with two seeming bodies, but one heart;  
Two of the first, like coats in heraldry,  
Due but to one and crowned with one crest.  
And will you rent our ancient love asunder,  
To join with men in scorning your poor friend?  
It is not friendly, 'tis not maidenly:  
Our sex, as well as I, may chide you for it,  
Though I alone do feel the injury.

[Faith fights Darla, alarums.  
Buffy fights Vamp Willow, Wesley tries to avoid Angelus]

**Buffy**  
I am amazed at your passionate  
words.  
I scorn you not: it seems that you scorn me,  
Mock me, with your  
illogic pursuit  
Your logic is not like our earth logic.

**Faith**  
I understand not what you mean  
by this.

**Buffy**  
Ay, do, persever, counterfeit  
sad looks,  
Make mouths upon me when I turn my back;  
Wink each at other; hold the sweet jest up:  
This sport, well carried, shall be chronicled.  
If you have any pity, grace, or manners,  
You would not make me such an argument.  
But fare ye well: 'tis partly my own fault;  
Which death or absence soon shall remedy.

**Angelus**  
[To Wesley]

Stay, un-gentle  
Joan; hear my excuse:  
My love, my life my soul, fair Joan!

[30](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-30)

[Aside]

The cistern of my  
lust, and my desire  
All continent impediments I would o'erbear  
That does oppose my will.

**Wesley**  
I standeth before you and hear  
quite clearly  
Thy love! out, tawny Tartar, out!  
Out, loathed medicine! hated potion, hence!

  


**Darla**  
If he cannot entreat, I can  
kill.

[Darla attacks Joan/Wesley.  
Faith fights Vamp Willow. Buffy fights Angelus. Drucilla spins around.]

[31](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-31)

**Drucilla**  
Cry 'havoc,' and let slip the  
dogs of war;  
Whee!

[32](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-32)

**Vamp Willow**  
Out, damned Slayers! out, I  
say!--one: two: three why? 

[Faith kills Vamp Willow]

[33](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-33)

**Drucilla**  
Give not this rotten orange to  
your friend.

[Drucilla exits. Joan/Wesley  
kills Darla.]

[34](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-34)

**Angelus**  
So, should the murdered look,  
and so should I  
Pierced through the heart by your stern cruelty.  
Yet, you the murderer, look as bright, as clear  
As yonder Venus in her glimmering sphere.  
I like that in a woman.

[Enter Willow]

[35](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-35)

**Faith**  
You can't be you, I killed  
you.  
This is the really real world  
Thou wert a vampire and I slew you with this stake.

[36](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-36)

**Buffy**  
Another Willow?  
One Willow  
died defiled, but you do live.  
I saw thee die

[37](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-37)

**Willow**  
I dead, nor, vampire defiled,  
Witness these  
trenches made by grief and care,  
Witness the tiring day and heavy night;  
Witness all sorrow, that I know thee well  
For my beloved lady Tara is dead.  
That love spell's scales should her dimming  
Belie, fall then from eyes.

[Willow waves hand, removes spell]

**Angelus**  
Ah, then love that taints my  
flesh.  
I that , set deadly enmity between two friends,  
Make poor men's cattle break their necks;  
Set fire on barns and hay-stacks in the night,  
And bid the owners quench them with their tears.  
Oft have I digg'd up dead men from their graves,  
And set them upright at their dear friends' doors,  
Even when their sorrows almost were forgot;  
And on their skins, as on the bark of trees,  
Have with my knife carved in Roman letters,  
'Let not your sorrow die, though I am dead.'  
Tut, I have done a thousand dreadful things  
As willingly as one would kill a fly,  
And nothing grieves me heartily indeed  
But that I cannot do ten thousand more.  
That I should love not once but twice of an evening  
Sickens me.

[38](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-38)

**Buffy**  
Ay, in the temple, in the  
town, the field,

You do me mischief. Fie, Angelus!  
Your wrongs do set a scandal on my lust:  
We can fight, but not as young lover's do,  
My hand should hold wood and not to woo.  
I'll follow thee and make a heaven of hell,  
To sink my stake into the heart that I love so well.

[Enter Anyanka with Vamp  
Xander, Xander of Oxnard and Donkey Headed Xander of Sunnydale]

**Anyanka**  
Tarantara, Tarantara, You  
rang.

  


[39](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-39)

**Buffy **

I would wish that Angel's  
soul'd fly return  
That this noble vessel fill full of grief,

**Anyanka**  
Classic gypsy vengeance curse.  
So shall it be done.

[40](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-40)

**Angel**  
The heaviness and guilt within  
my bosom  
Takes off my manhood: I have killed a lady,  
The princess of this country, and the air on't  
Revengingly enfeebles  
me; have subdues me.  
Vampiric honours, borne as I wear mine,  
Are titles but of scorn.  
All that is left is but to flee into the city,  
To face my fate.

[Exit Angel]

**Anyanka**  
My work here is done.Come  
on boys.

[Bear runs across stage,  
pursued by a demon]

**Willow**  
Will you not return Xander to  
his normal visage?

**Anyanka**  
Marry, good lady, I would say  
not,  
Harry his face may be, but he is hung like an ass.  
And like an ass he is good for being ridden.  
I now have a Xander for every occasion.  
In prick of manhood let us stand upright,  
And go forth.

**Buffy**  
But how is this possible that  
there are three Xanders,  
two with same face?

**Willow**  
Magic staffs, twins cast  
asunder, science awry,  
So, I had a twin?

**Vamp Xander**  
She was skanky and methinkest  
kindof gayeth,  
Alas, poor Vamp Willow, I knew her well.  
Oh, well.

[41](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-41)

**Donkey Headed Xander of  
Sunnydale**  
Friends, Romans, countrymen,  
guys, farewell,  
Linoleum.

[42](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aIV,ii-42)

**Xander of Oxnard**  
And hold your fortune for your  
bliss,Turn where our lady is  
And claim her with a loving kiss.  
The natural fools of fortune, use us well.

[Exit Anyanka and Xander of  
Oxnard, Vamp Xander and Donkey Headed Xander of Sunnydale.]

**Buffy**  
We should return to the city  
too,  
There is much I am unclear upon.

[Exit all]

**Buffybot**  
[Enter Buffybot]

**Buffybot**  
Helloo. Hello.

[Exit Buffybot]


	14. Act V, Scene i

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Watcher to a Slayer, the mission is the thing,  
> As like a father to a girl, I ask, following this peril,  
> which way do your intentions wend?

[Enter Angel]

[1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,i-1)

**Angel**  
O, that this too too solid  
flesh would melt  
Thaw and resolve itself into a dew!  
Or that the Everlasting had not fix'd  
His canon 'gainst self-slaughter! O God! God!  
How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable,  
Seem to me all the uses of this world!  
Fie on't! ah fie! 'tis an unweeded garden,  
That grows to seed; things rank and gross in nature  
Possess it merely. That it should come to this!

[2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,i-2)

O, my offence is rank it  
smells to heaven;  
Though inclination be as sharp as will:  
My stronger guilt defeats my strong intent;  
And, like a man to double business bound,  
I stand in pause where I shall first begin,  
Is there not rain enough in the sweet heavens  
To wash it white as snow? Whereto serves mercy  
But to confront the visage of offence?  
My fault is past. But, O, what form of prayer  
Can serve my turn? 'Forgive me my foul murder'?  
That cannot be; since I could still possess  
That cause for which I did effect a murderous state,  
My powers, mine own ambition and my lady Slayer.  
Try what repentance can: what can it not?  
Yet what can it when one can not repent?  
O wretched state! O bosom black as death!  
O limed soul, that, struggling to be free,  
Art more engaged! Help, angels! Make assay!  
Bow, stubborn knees; and, heart with strings of steel,  
Be soft as sinews of the newborn babe!  
My words fly up, my thoughts remain below:  
Words without thoughts never to heaven go.

[Enter Giles. He draws his  
sword]

/&gt;

**Giles**  
Now might I do it pat, now he  
is praying;  
And now I'll do't. And so he goes to heaven;  
And so upon the Lady Jenny's blood am I revenged.  
However, Watcher's cannot dally where they like.

[3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,i-3)

Often, duty is more honour'd  
in the breach than the observance

[To Angel]

A word lord.

[4](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,i-4)

**Angel**  
I thought I heard you say,  
sleep no more,  
Angel does murder sleep', the innocent sleep,  
Sleep that knits up the ravell'd sleeve of care,  
The death of each day's life, sore labour's bath,  
Balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course,  
Chief nourisher in life's feast,--

/&gt;

**Giles**  
That was not my intention, I  
had another speech,  
As Watcher to a Slayer, the mission is the thing,  
As like a father to a girl, I ask, following this peril,  
which way do your intentions wend?

[5](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,i-5)

**Angel**  
I love Buffy with so much of  
my heart that none is  
left to protest.

/&gt;  
[6](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,i-6)

**Giles**  
Buffy is young, and it is  
common for the younger sort  
To lack discretion, it is then upon you to  
see the dangers

/&gt;

That lie by the primrose path  
of dalliance treads.

[7](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,i-7)

**Angel**  
O God, I could be bounded in a  
nut shell and count  
myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I  
have bad dreams.

/&gt;

**Giles**  
Aye, there's the rub, I'll see  
to you on the battlefield,  
and after for your thoughts.

[Exit Giles]


	15. Act V, Scene ii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The scales of love are off. Plus, Oz Lives!

[Enter Buffy, Wesley, Faith,  
and Willow

  


[1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,ii-1)

**Faith**  
But, my good friends, I wot  
not by what power,--

**Willow**  
That would be my power

**Faith**  
But by some power it is,--my  
love to Buffy,  
Melted as the snow, seems to me now  
As the remembrance of an idle gaud  
Which in my childhood I did dote upon;  
And all the faith, the virtue of my heart,  
The object and the pleasure of mine eye,  
Is only dear Joan. To her, my friends,  
Was I inclined ere I saw Buffy:  
But, like in sickness, did I loathe this food;  
But, as in health, come to my natural taste,  
Now I do wish it, love it, long for it,  
And will for evermore be true to it.

[2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,ii-2)

**Wesley**  
[Aside]

And so stand fix'd:  
peace, plenty, love, truth, terror,  
That were the servants to this chosen,

[3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,ii-3)

Whose nature sickens but to  
speak a truth.  
Am I or that or this for what she'll utter,  
That will speak any thing?

[To Faith]

Heh!

[Enter Spike and Angel from  
opposite sides of the stage]

[4](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,ii-4)

**Angel**  
Buffy, it was wrong for me,  
As from a bear a man would run for life,  
To fly I from her that would be my love.

[5](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,ii-5)

**Spike**  
Buffy, I return from darkness  
having filled my soul's cup  
And now the longing for rest drowns me, and  
yet  
Your love and pity doth the impression fill  
Which vulgar scandal stamp'd upon my brow;  
For what care I who calls me well or ill,  
So you o'er-green my bad, my good allow?  
You are my all the world, and I must strive  
To know my shames and praises from your tongue:  
None else to me, nor I to none alive,  
That my steel'd sense or changes right or wrong.  
In so profound abysm I throw all care  
Of others' voices, that my adder's sense  
To critic and to flatterer stopped are.  
Mark how with my neglect I do dispense:  
You are so strongly in my purpose bred  
That all the world besides methinks are dead.

[6](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,ii-6)

**Angel**  
I never loved you much; I ha'  
n'ere praised ye,

[7](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,ii-7)

I took you for a mortal  
mineral; which, being took,  
Should by the minute feed on life and  
lingering  
By inches waste the one you love..

[8](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,ii-8)

My soul hath her content so  
absolute  
That not another comfort like to this  
Succeeds in unknown fate.

[9](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,ii-9)

**Spike**  
The gentleman protests too  
much, methinks.

**Buffy**  
Enough, your barking gives me  
the headache.

[10](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,ii-10)

**Spike And Angel**  
[To Buffy]

I do love nothing  
in the world so well as you.  
Is that not strange  
Hey!

**Buffy**  
As strange a thing I know now.  
Love in choruses,  
It were as possible for me to say I loved nothing so well as you,  
But believe me not, and yet I lie not.  
I confess nothing, nor I deny nothing.

[11](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,ii-11)

Between two hawks, which flies  
the higher pitch;  
Between two dogs, which hath the deeper mouth;  
Between two blades, which bears the better temper:  
Between two horses, which doth bear him best;  
Between two boys, which hath the merriest eye;  
I have perhaps some shallow spirit of judgement;  
But in these nice sharp quillets of the law,  
Good faith, I am no wiser than a daw.

**Angel**  
Tut, tut, here is a mannerly  
forbearance:  
The truth appears so naked on my side  
That any purblind eye may find it out.

**Spike**  
And on my side it is so well  
apparell'd,  
So clear, so shining and so evident  
That it will glimmer through a blind man's eye.

[13](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,ii-13)

**Spike**  
And, I pray thee now, tell me  
for  
which of my bad parts didst thou first fall in love with me?

**Buffy**  
For them all together; which  
maintained so politic a state of evil that they will not admit any good  
part to intermingle with them.

**Angel**  
But for which of my  
good  
parts did you first suffer love for me?

**Buffy**  
Suffer love! a good epithet! I  
do suffer love  
indeed, for I love thee against my will.

**Angel**  
In spite of your heart, I  
think; alas, poor heart!  
If you spite it for my sake, I will spite it for  
yours;  
for I will never love that which my friend hates.

[14](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,ii-14)

**Spike**  
Love is your master, for he  
masters you:  
And he that is so yoked by a fool,  
Methinks, should not be chronicled for wise.  
I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.

**Angel**  
Yes, indeed, you but mentioned  
it with every other breath.  
I am fair to going deaf with your bitchyness.

[15](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,ii-15)

**Spike**  
The cat will mew and the dog  
will have his day.

[16](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,ii-16)

**Buffy**  
We are too wise to woo  
peaceably.  
Perhaps to bear baiting and oil wrestling.

[Enter Giles, Jesse and Oz]

**Willow**  
Oz, I thought thou wast dead!

**Oz**  
Werewolf

[17](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,ii-17)

Rumors of my death were  
exaggerated

[Enter Xander of Oxnard]

[18](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,ii-18)

**Xander of Oxnard**  
And now, Scoobies, what's the  
news with you?  
You told us of some battle; what is't, Buffy?  
While my dear Anyanka disports with myself,  
And myself, I would then bend in other ways,  
The head is not more native to the heart,  
The hand more instrumental to the mouth,  
The spirit more inclined to the heavens  
Than is the soul of Xander to thy cause.  
What wouldst thou have, oh boss of us?

**Buffy**  
My drear lord,  
Your leave  
and favour to fight in the coming day.

[20](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,ii-20)

**Giles**  
Hist, my Slayers, bestow  
yourself with speed:  
The Mayor has to his ascension set,  
Adam has returned his forced renewed,  
Glory rages in search of her key,  
And will with all expedience charge on us.  
O that we now had here  
But one ten thousand of those potentials in England  
That do no work to-day!

[21](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,ii-21)

**Wesley**  
When sorrows come, they come  
not single spies, but in battalions

[22](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,ii-22)

**Faith**  
We should eat breakfast in the  
expectation that we will be having dinner in Hades.

[23](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,ii-23)

**Buffy**  
I am indeed afraid, for so too  
the dark forces array.  
And yet, as they myself devour,  
Like a pip I shall in the great maw lodge,  
Until with chocking gasp dark forces die.  
This day is called the feast of Crispian:  
She that outlives this day, and comes safe home,  
Will stand a tip-toe when the day is named,  
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.  
He that shall live this day, and see old age,  
Will yearly on the vigil feast her neighbours,  
And say 'To-morrow is Saint Crispian:'  
Then will she strip her sleeve and show her scars.  
She'll remember with advantages  
What feats she did that day: then shall our names.  
Familiar in her mouth as household words  
Buffy and Joan and Faith, the Slayers of vampires,  
Willow and Giles, Angel and Spike soulful,  
Be in their flowing cups freshly remember'd.  
This story shall the good woman teach young;  
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,  
From this day to the ending of the world,  
But we in it shall be remember'd;  
We few, we happy few, we band of family;  
For he or she that sheds blood with me  
Shall be my family; be he ne'er so vile,  
This day shall gentle her condition:  
And gentles in England now a-bed  
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,  
And hold themselves cheap whiles any speaks  
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.

**Spike**  
Now that indeed is the St.  
Crispin's day speech.

**Giles**  
But it is not St. Crispin's  
Day.

[24](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,ii-24)

**Buffy**  
No matter, but listen friends  
for I've an idea  
To catch the conscience of a demon, a corrupt  
politician  
And a god.

[Enter Buffybot]

**Buffybot**  
Hey, you!

**Buffy**  
The hour of your arrival is  
well timed.  
Come

[Exit all]


	16. Act V, Scene iii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A hammer, a hammer, my kingdom for a hammer.

[Alarums. Excursions. Enter Buffy]

[1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iii-1)

**Willow**  
Now cracks a noble heart. Good night sweet  
Buffybot:  
And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!  
Why does the drum come hither?

[Enter Faith and Joan/Wesley

[2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iii-2)

**Faith**  
So, when a man complained that his sword  
was too short, his mother replied: 'Take a step forward and it will be  
long enough.'

[3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iii-3)

**Wesley**  
The Slayer, I mean, Buffy, enacts more  
wonders than a man,

Daring an opposite to every danger.  
Her nails are chipped, and all on foot she fights  
Seeking for a troll hammer.

[Enter Buffy]

**Buffy**  
A hammer, a hammer, my kingdom for a  
hammer.

[Exuent]


	17. Act V, Scene iv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sweet resolution

[1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iv-1)

[Alarum. Enter Buffy, Joan/Wesley, Faith,  
Giles, Oz, Willow, Cordelia, Angel, Spike, tweed wearing watchers [at one  
door] and Adam, Glory, the Mayor as the shadow of a giant's serpent's head  
on the back wall, and assorted minions at another. They fight. Buffy pulls  
out Adam's power core. Smoke. She throws it at the Mayor's shadow. Smoke.  
The Mayor is slain. They fight. They fight. Glory breaks a nail. Her  
minions hand her Ben's coat.]

**Spike**  
Huh, Ben is Glory and Glory is Ben.

**Giles**  
Dost thou imply some connection between Ben  
and Glory.

**Spike**  
Yeah and Verily,  
Ben is Glory, Glory is  
Ben.

**Giles**  
So, there is some link to Glory by good  
Ben.

**Spike**  
Uh, yeah.

[2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iv-2)

**Giles**  
Good enough.

[Kills Ben]

God and your arems be praised, victorious friends!  
The day is ours. The bloody dog is dead.

[Enter First as Buffy]

**First**  
I shall retake this world that they have  
made,And turn it into a devil's playground,  
Where their wounds do weep a quenching stream.

[3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iv-3)

**Buffy**  
Oh, To a nunnery, go,and quickly too.  
Farewell.  


[Exit First]

**Willow**  
Tis a strange world that has  
such things in it.

[Enter Dawn, dressed as herself]

**Dawn**  
Soft you now!  
On Glory's death, I cast  
aside the role of Don,  
To once more Dawn be, in whose guise,  
Be all my sins remember'd.

[4](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iv-4)

**Buffy**  
[To Dawn]

Glory thought you were a  
toaster.

[To all]

Anyway,  
The battle's fought and the world is won,  
And we of the world stand in it.  
Angel shall I chase after?  
I your spaniel, the more you beat me, the more I fawn on you.  
William shall we dance our ringlets to the whistling wind?

[5](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iv-5)

Are you be ready for that, are you well  
cooked?  
And e' en then, I am not so.

[6](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iv-6)

**Angel**  
Crabbed age and youth cannot live together:

Youth is full of pleasance, age is full of care;  
Youth like summer morn, age like winter weather;  
Youth like summer brave, age like winter bare.  
Youth is full of sport, age's breath is short;  
Youth is nimble, age is lame;  
Youth is hot and bold, age is weak and cold;  
Youth is wild, and age is tame.  
Age, I do abhor thee; youth, I do adore thee;  
O, my love, my love is young!  
Age, I do defy thee: O, sweet shepherd, hie thee,  
For methinks I stay'st too long,  
But I am afeared, for I have not the talent which  
some people possess, of conversing easily with  
those I have never seen before.  
I cannot catch their tone of conversation,  
or appear interested in their concerns, as I often see done.

**Buffy**  
My fingers, do not move over the lute in  
the masterly manner  
Which I see so many do. They have not the same force  
or rapidity,  
And do not produce the same expression.  
But then I have always supposed it to be my own fault  
Because I would not take the trouble of practicing.  
It is not that I do not believe my fingers  
As capable as any other man's of superior execution.

[7](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iv-7)

Men must endure  
Their going hence even as  
their coming hither;  
Ripeness is all.  
I am full of youth and summer morn,  
And must go forth to ripen on the vine.

[8](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iv-8)

Parting is such sweet sorrow

[9](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iv-9)

**Spike**  
Let mans Soule be a Spheare, and then, in  
this,

The intelligence that moves, devotion is,  
And as the other Spheares, by being growne  
Subject to forraigne motion, lose their owne,  
And being by others hurried every day,  
Scarce in a yeare their naturall forme obey:  
Pleasure or businesse, so, our Soules admit  
For their first mover, and are whirld by it.  
Hence is't, that I am carryed towards the West  
This day, when my Soules forme bends toward the East.  
There I should see a Sunne, by rising set,  
And by that setting summer day beget;  
For that looks towards them; and thou look'st towards mee,  
O Buffy, as thou stand'st upon the lee;  
I turne my backe to thee, but to receive  
Corrections, till thy mercies bid thee leave.  
O thinke mee worth thine anger, punish mee,  
Burne off my rusts, and my deformity,  
Restore thine Image, so much, by thy grace,  
That thou may'st know mee, and I'll turne my face.  
Oye, that didn't make much sense, did it'?  
I meantheth, that halfway through the journey of our lives  
I came to myself in a dark wood and found that the  
True way was lost and the monster that meanaced was myself.  
I know that I am a monster, but in thine eyes  
I see myself for a man with miles to go before I sleep.  
So, what then now.

[10](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iv-10)

**Angel**  
The first thing we do, let's kill all the  
lawyers.What? Tis a good thing.

[11](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iv-11)

**Spike**  
Would that Darla had lived to see her  
children so turned  
She should have died hereafter;  
There would have been a time for such a word.  
To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,  
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day  
To the last syllable of recorded time,  
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools  
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!  
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player  
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage  
And then is heard no more: it is a tale  
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,  
Signifying nothing.

[Enter Darla and Lindsey]

[12](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iv-12)

**Angel**  
Another Darla!

**Darla**  
When I lived I was your other partner  
And  
when you killed, you were my other darling boy.

**Spike**  
The former Darla, Darla that is dead!

**Darla**  
Nothing certainer. That Darla died souless,  
but I do truly live,  
Brought back to life by the Wolf,  
The Ram and the Hart, Lawyers  
And surely as I live, I am no more a vampire

**Lindsey**  
All this amazement can I qualifyWhen  
after that the unholy rights are ended  
I'll tell you largely of fair Darla's rebirth  
For now, there are happenings you find of good  
Interest in Los Angeles.

[Hands Angel a scroll and yellow cliff notes]

[13](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iv-13)

**Angel**  
[Reads]

"The vampire with a soul, once he  
fulfills his destiny, will become mortal. However, he has to survive the  
coming darkness, the apocalyptic battles, a few plagues, and several  
fiends that will be unleashed."

[Enter Drucilla]

[14](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iv-14)

**Drucilla**  
Men at some time are masters of their  
fates:  
The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,  
But in ourselves, that we are underlings.

[15](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iv-15)

All the world's a stage,And all the men  
and women merely players:  
They have their exits and their entrances;  
And one man in his time plays many parts,

[16](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iv-16)

An alligator stuff'd, and other skins  
Of  
ill-shaped fishes; and about his shelves  
A beggarly account of empty boxes,  
Green earthen pots, bladders and musty seeds,  
Remnants of packthread and old cakes of roses,  
Thinly scatter'd, to make up a show.

[17](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iv-17)

**Spike**  
Ah, love,  
Still mad as the sea and wind, when both contend  
Which is the mightier: in her lawless fit,  
Behind the arras hearing something stir,  
Whips out her mask, cries, 'A rat, a rat!'  
And, in this brainish apprehension, kills  
The unseen good old man.

[18](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iv-18)

**Drucilla**  
Twinkle twinkle little bat,

How I wonder where you're at,  
Like a tea tray in the sky,  
He stuck in my teeth, by &amp; by.

**Spike**  
Yeah, good times,  
I mean bad times.  
I mean beauty effulgent.

**Angel**  
Now then rejoined,  
Let the four make exit to Sunnydale  
And Entrance to the City of Angels.

[Exeunt Angel, Spike, Darla, Drucilla and Lindsey]

[19](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iv-19)

**Giles**  
Good, I thought they'd never leave.  
My  
blessing season this in thee!

[20](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iv-20)

Good gentles, I invite your all  
To my  
poor cell, where you shall take your rest  
For this one night; which, part of it, we'll waste  
With such discourse as, I not doubt, shall make it  
Go quick away; the story of our lives.  
By my so potent art, this rough life  
I here abjure, and, I'll break my staff,  
Bury it certain fathoms in the earth,  
And deeper than did ever plummet sound  
I'll drown my book.

**Willow**  
Drown not your books, break not your staff,

For there are Watcher's questions yet, and evil still afoot  
Lay on Good Giles and explain,  
Twins I understand, but if there is but one  
Slayer in all the world, how then three?

**Giles**  
And who is to be Watcher to all?

[21](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iv-21)

**Wesley**  
[Aside]

Good my complexion! dost thou  
think, though I am  
caparisoned like a maid, I have a breast plate in  
my disposition? One inch of delay more is a  
South-sea of discovery;

[to all]

I prithee, tell who how is it  
quickly, and speak apace. I would thou couldst  
stammer, that thou mightst pour this concealed man  
out of thy mouth, as wine comes out of a narrow-  
mouthed bottle, either too much at once, or none at all.  
I prithee,  
take the cork out of thy mouth that may drink thy tidings.

[Removes breast plate]

[22](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iv-22)

**Giles**  
I am dumb!

[23](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iv-23)

**Wesley**  
If nothing lets to make us happy both  
But  
this my feminine usurp'd attire,  
Do not embrace me till each circumstance  
Of place, time, fortune, do cohere and jump  
That I am Wesley: which to confirm,  
I'll bring you to a captain in this town,  
Where lie my watcher's tweeds; by whose gentle help  
I was preserved to serve this noble town.

**Willow**  
So comes it, Giles, you have been mistook:

But nature to her bias drew in that.  
You would have been contracted to a Watcher;  
Nor are you therein, by my life, deceived,  
You are Watcher both to a maid and maid.

**Faith**  
Be not amazed; right noble is his blood.

If this be so, as yet the glass seems true,  
I shall have share in this most happy wreck.

[To Wesley]

Boy, thou hast said to me a thousand times  
Thou never shouldst love woman like to me.  
I could have driven automatic,  
But stick suits me right as well.  
Give me thy hand and let me see thee in thy watcher's tweeds.

[24](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iv-24)

**Wesley**  
Behold him that gave aim to all thy oaths,

And entertain'd 'em deeply in his heart.  
How oft hast thou with perjury cleft the root!  
O Watcher, let this habit make thee blush!  
Be thou ashamed that I have took upon me  
Such an immodest raiment, not my own,  
If shame live, in a disguise:  
It is the lesser blot, modesty finds,  
Men to change their shapes than other men their minds.

**Giles**  
Than men their minds! 'tis true.  
O  
heaven! were man  
But adaptable, he were perfect. That one error  
Fills him with faults; makes him run through all the sins:  
Then both us as Watcher to Slayer let us go.

**Willow**  
But, there's still two Slayers,  
How is this possible?

**Buffy**  
I died. Twice.In fact, you were there.  
But that was another me,  
Another life, and another you.

[25](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iv-25)

**Willow**  
That rosenberg and guildenstern are dead

Is meaningless, what then of my lady Tara.

[26](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iv-26)

She's dead, deceased, she's dead; alack the  
day!  
Ha! let me see her: out, alas! she's cold:  
Her blood is settled, and her joints are stiff;  
Life and these lips have long been separated:  
Death lies on her like an untimely frost  
Upon the sweetest flower of all the field.

[Enter Jenny and Tara]

**Giles**  
But good Jenny, your dead body I did see  
and weep.

**Jenny**  
I was only mostly dead, but to blave,

true  
love, and a vengeance demon, brought me to return.

[27](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iv-27)

[To Willow]

Start not; Tara's actions  
shall be holy as  
You hear my spell is lawful: do not shun her  
Until you see her die again; for then  
You kill her double. Nay, present your hand:  
When she was young you woo'd her; now in age  
Is she become the suitor?

**Willow**  
O, she's warm!If this be magic, let it  
be an art  
Lawful as eating.

**Dawn**  
Tara hangs about Willow's neck:  
If she  
pertain to life let her speak too.

**Buffy**  
Ay, and make't manifest where she has  
lived,  
Or how stolen from the dead.

**Jenny**  
That she is living, she never died  
Were  
it but told you, should be hooted at  
Like an old tale: but it appears she lives,  
Though yet she speak not. Mark a little while.

**Tara**  
O, peace, Willow!  
Thou shouldst a wife  
take by my consent,  
As I by thine a wife: this is a match,  
And made between's by vows. Thou hast found mine;  
We were dissever'd: hastily lead away  
To San Francisco for our wedding vows

**Xander of Oxnard**  
[To Cordelia]

Good lady, may I offer you  
escort upon the way.

**Cordelia**  
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

**Dawn**  
Road trip!

[Exeunt all, but Buffy]

[28](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97048/chapters/132908#aV,iv-28)

**Buffy**  
If we shadows have offended,  
Think but  
this, and all is mended,  
That you have but slumber'd here  
While these visions did appear.  
And this weak and idle theme,  
No more yielding but a dream,  
Gentles, do not reprehend:  
if you pardon, we will mend:  
And, as I am an honest Slayer,  
If we have unearned luck  
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,  
We will make amends ere long;  
Else the Joss a liar call;  
So, good night unto you all.  
Give me your hands, if we be friends,  
And ME shall restore amends.


	18. The Notes

## The Tragedic Comical Historie of Buffy the Slayer of the Vampyres

##  [Prolog](bu_sh_pro.htm#Prologue)

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


1 -

| 

Romeo and Juliet, Prolog  
  
---|---  
  
2 -

| 

King Henry V, Prolog  
  
  


## Act 1, Scene i

1 - Macbeth, I,i  
  
2 - Macbeth, I,iii  
  
3 - Macbeth, II, i  
  
4 - King Henry V, III,i  
  
5 - Macbeth, I,iii  
  
6 - Winter's Tale, III,ii  
  
7 - 3King Henry VI, II, i  
  
8 - Twelfth Night, I,v  
  
9 - Much Ado About Nothing, IV,ii  
  
10 - Taming of the Shrew,II,i  
  
11 - BtVS, BE  
  
12 - Macbeth, IV,i  
  
13 - 1 King Henry VI, I,ii   
15 - Coriolanus, III,ii,   
1King Henry VI,  III, ii   
17 - 1King Henry VI, I,v

## Act I, Scene ii

1 - Comedy of Errors, I,ii  
  
2 - Comedy of Errors, I,ii Othello,III,iii  
  
3 - Pirates of Penzance, Act I, I  
  
4 - Merchant of Venice, IV, i    
  
5 - BtVS, OMWF  
  
6 -  BtVS, Restless  
  
  
7 - Hamlet, I,ii   
  
8 - King Lear, II, iv   
  
9 - Comedy of Errors,III,i   
  
10 - Bible, Revelations 3:7   
  
11 - Hamlet, III, i      
  
12 - Romeo and Juliet, I, i   
  
13 - There May be Trouble Ahead, Cole Porter   
  
14 - HMS Pinafore, Poor Little Buttercup.   
  
15 - The Merry Wives of Windsor, II,i   
  
16 - Pirates of Penzance   
  
17 - Twelfth Night,I,ii   
  
18 - Hamlet, III,iii   
  
19 - King Henry IV, IV, vi    
  
20 - King Richard III, III,vii   
  
21 - Lysistrata, Aristophanes Act I.i   
  
22 - Comedy of Errors, III,ii   
  
23 - Lysistrata, Aristophanes Act I.i   
  
24 - Plutarch Spartan saying   
  
25 - Twelfth Night, III,iv   
  
26 - Bible, Leviticus 11:9-12   
  
27 - Much Ado About Nothing, I,iii   
  
28 - Comedy of Errors IV,iii &amp; Taming of the Shrew II,i   
  
30 - Comedy of Errors I,ii   
  
31 - Midsummer Night's Dream,I,i   
  
32 - Comedy of Errors I,ii   
  
33 - Macbeth, IV,i   
  
34 - Comedy of Errors I,ii   
  
35 - Julius Caesar, I,ii

 

 

  


## Act I, Scene iii

1 - Romeo and Juliet, I,i   
  
2 - Twelfth Night, I,i   
  
3 - Cymbeline, V,ii   
  
4 - Titus Andronicus,II,iii,  TA, III,ii   
  
5 - Romeo and Juliet, I,ii 

## Act I, Scene iv

1 - Merchant of Venice, II, ii   
  
2 - Hamlet, II, ii   
  
3 - Sonnet 20   
  
4 - Alls Well That Ends Well, I,i   
  
5 - Julius Ceasar, III,i   
  
6 - Much Ado About Nothing, I,i&amp;   
  
7 - W. Churchill   
  
8 - Much Ado About Nothing, I,i   
  
9 - BtVS, WttHM   
  
10 - Coriolanus, V, iii   
  
11 - Comedy of Errors, III,ii, Hamlet, V, i   
  
12 - King Richard II, I, iii   
  
13 - Tempest, I,ii   
  
14 - A Midsummer Night's Dream: III, ii, Sonnet XXI   
  
15 - King Lear, I, iv   
  
16 - Romeo and Juliet, I,v   
  
17 - XIV   
  
18 - Othello, I,i - Othello, I,iii - Othello,III,iii   
  
19 - Julius Caesar, IV, iii   
  
20 - Bible, Isaiah 22:22   
  
21 - Bible, Revelation 20   
  
22 - Julius Caesar, IV, iii   
  
23 - Romeo and Juliet, I.v   
  
24 - Midsummer Night's Dream, III, ii   
  
25 - Hamlet, V, i   
  
26 - Romeo and Juliet, I.v   
  
27 - Two Gentlemen of Verona,V,iv   
  
28 - Romeo and Juliet, I,v   
  
29 - Alls Well That Ends Well, II,iii 

 

## Act II, Scene i

1 - Midsummer Night's Dream II, i   
  
2 - Anthony and Cleopatra, II,ii   
  
3 - Hamlet,iv,v   
  
4 - Pericles, Prince of Tyre, II,i   
  
5 - Hamlet, III,i   
  
6 - Sonnet CXLVII   
  
7 - Julius Ceasar-ish   
  
8 - Hamlet, V,iv   
  
9 - Hamlet,II,ii   
  
10 - Sonnet, CXVI   
  
11 - Macbeth, I, vii   
  
12 - Othello, III,iii   
  
13 - Othello, IV,iii   
  
14 - Macbeth, I, vii   
  
15 - Tempest I, ii   
  
16 - Hamlet, IV, v   
  
17 - Hamlet, III, ivOthello, V,ii   
  
18 - Midsummer Night's Dream, II,i   
  
19 - Midsummer Night's Dream, II,i - Donne, Song

## Act II, Scene ii

1 - Romeo and Juliet, II, ii   
  
2 - Hamlet, II, ii   
  
3 - Tempest, V, i     
  
4 - Hamlet, I, iv  
  
5 - Hamlet,II,ii  
  
6 - Tempest, II, ii  
  
7 - Beer Bad  
  
8 - Hamlet: I, v  
  
9 - Tyrtaeus, spartan  
  
10 - Heroditus of the Spartans  
  
11 - The Tick, Ben Englund

## Act II, Scene iii

  
1 - Romeo and Juliet, II,ii   
  
2 - Hamlet, II, ii       
  
3 - Romeo and Juliet, I, i   
  
4 - Romeo and Juliet: II, ii   
  
5 - CXXX

## Act III, Scene i

1 - King Richard III, I, i     
  
2 - Midsummer Night's Dream, V, i   
  
3 - Romeo and Juliet, III, i

## Act III, Scene ii

 

1 - Romeo and Juliet, III, ii   
2 - Sonnet 29, Innocence

 

## Act III, Scene iii

1 - Comedy of Errors, IV, iv   
  
2 - Merchant of VeniceIII,i   
  
3 - With Catlike Tread, Pirates of Penzance   
  
4 - Sonnet 54   
  
5 - Sonnet 31   
  
6 - Midsummer Night's Dream, V,i

 

## Act IV, Scene i

  
  
1 - Winters Tale, III,iii   
  
2 - Titus Andronicus, V,iii   
  
3 - Julius Ceasar, I, ii   
  
4 - Taming of the Shrew, IV,iii   
  
5 - Jim Croce, Don't Mess Around with Jim   
  
6 - Bible, Revelation, 20:1-2   
  
7 - As You Like It, III,v   
  
8 - Midsummer Night's Dream, III,i   
  
9 - BtVS, TP   
  
10 - 1 King Henry IV, III,iv   
  
11 - Midsummer Night's Dream, V, i   
  
12 - Twelfth NightII, iv   
  
13 - As You Like It, III, ii   
  
15 - As You Like It, IV, i   
  
16 - Two Gentlemen of Verona, V, iv   
  
17 - PoP, Oh, Better Far to Live and die   
  
18 - Sonnet 29   
  
19 - Hamlet, I, iii     
  
20 - Midsummer Night's Dream, II,ii   
  
21 - As You Like It, V,iii   
  
22 - Anthony and Cleopatra, I,iii   
  
23 - The immortal lyrics of "I want your sex"   
  
24 - Midsummer Night's Dream, IV, i   
  
25 - Comedy of Errors, V,i   
  
26 - Midsummer Night's Dream, IV, i   
  
27 - King Richard III, I, ii   
  
28 - Sonnets: CL   
  
29 - Two Gentlemen of Verona, IV, ii   
  
30 - Midsummer Night's Dream, III,ii

## Act IV, Scene ii

  
1 - Much Ado About Nothing, II, i   
  
2 - Taming of the Shrew, II, i   
  
3 - Sonnets: CXLI   
  
4 - Hamlet,I,iv   
  
5 - As You Like It   
  
6 - Sonnet IMWW, V,v   
  
7 - King Richard III,III,iv   
  
8 - King Henry VI I,i   
  
9 - Love's Labors Lost, IV, i   
  
10 - Sonnets: XVIII    
  
11 - Hamlet, IV, v   
  
12 - Midsummer Night's Dream, III,ii   
  
13 - King Richard III, I,iiiHamlet, III,iv   
  
14 - Titus Andronicus, V,i   
  
15 - Taming of the Shrew, II,i   
  
16 - King Richard III, II, i   
  
17 - Taming of the Shrew, II,i   
  
18 - Midsummer Night's Dream, III,iii   
  
19 - Two Gentlement of Verona, IV, iv   
  
20 - Sonnet LV   
  
21 - Othello, I,i   
  
22 - Flea, John Donne   
  
23 - Robert Herrick-ishGather Ye Rosebuds   
  
24 - Twelfth Night, III,i   
  
25 - Twelfth Night, III,i   
  
26 - Romeo and Juliet, II,ii   
  
27 - King Richard III, III,iii   
  
28 - Coriolanus, I,i   
  
29 - Midsummer Night's Dream, III,ii   
  
30 - M, IV, iii   
  
31 - Julius Caesar, III, ii   
  
32 - Macbeth, V,i   
  
33 - Much Ado About Nothing, IV,i   
  
34 - A Midsummer Night's Dream, III,ii   
  
35 - The Crow   
  
36 - Much Ado About Nothing, V, iv   
  
37 - TA, V,ii   
  
38 - Midsummer Night's Dream, II, i   
  
39 - Julius Caesar, V,v   
  
40 - C, V,ii   
  
41 - Julius Caesar, III, ii   
  
42 - Merchant of Venice, III,ii, King Lear, IV, iv

## Act V, Scene i

  
1 - Hamlet, I,ii   
  
2 - Hamlet, III,iii   
  
3 - Hamlet, I, iv   
  
4 - Macbeth, II,ii   
  
5 - Much Ado About Nothing, IV,i   
  
6 - Hamlet, II,i   
  
7 - Hamlet, II,ii

## Act V, Scene ii

  
1 - Midsummer Night's Dream, IV, i   
  
2 - King Henry VIII, V,v   
  
3 - Alls Well That Ends Well,V,iii   
  
4 - Comedy of Errors, III,ii   
  
5 - Sonnet CXII.   
  
6 - Anthony and Cleopatra, II, vi   
  
7 - Cymbelline, V,v   
  
8 - Othello, II,i   
  
9 - Hamlet, III, ii   
  
10 - Much Ado About Nothing, IV, ii   
  
11 - 1 King Henry VI, II, iv   
  
13 - Much Ado About Nothing, V, ii   
  
14 - Two Gentlemen of Verona, I, i   
  
15 - Hamlet, V,i   
  
16 - Much Ado About Nothing, V, ii   
  
17 - Mark Twain   
  
18 - Hamlet, I, ii   
  
20 - H5, IV, iii   
  
21 - Hamlet: IV, v      
  
22 - Leonides   
  
23 - H5, IV, iii   
  
24 - Hamlet, II,ii

 

## Act V, Scene iii

  
1 - Hamlet: V, ii   
  
2 - Spartan sayings   
  
3 - King Richard III,V,i

## Act V, Scene iv

  
1 - King Richard III, V,i   
  
2 - King Richard III, V,i   
  
3 - Hamlet, III,i   
  
4 - A Midsummer Nights Dream, II,i   
  
5 - Coriolanus, V,iv   
  
6 - Sonnet XII    
  
7 - King Lear, V,ii   
  
8 - Romeo and Juliet, II, ii   
  
9 - Donne, Good Friday, 1613, Riding Westward Dante, Inferno I,i   
  
10 - King Henry VI, IV, ii     
  
11 - Macbeth, V, v   
  
12 - Much Ado About Nothing, V,iii   
  
13 - AtS, tSiLA   
  
14 - Julius Ceasar, I,ii   
  
15 - As you Like It, II, vii   
  
16 - Romeo and Juliet, V,i   
  
17 - Hamlet, IV, i   
  
18 - Alice in Wonderland   
  
19 - Hamlet, I,iii   
  
20 - Tempest, V,i   
  
21 - As You Like It, III,ii   
  
22 - Merchant of Venice, V,i   
  
23 - Twelfth Night, V,i   
  
24 - Two Gentlement of Verona, V,ii   
  
25 - Hamlet, V, ii   
  
26 - Romeo and Juliet, IV,v   
  
27 - Winter's Tale, V,iii   
  
28 - Midsummer Night's Dream, V, i

**Author's Note:**

> If after reading my fiction here, you would like to read more about me and my writing (although I can't think why since I wrote NONE of this) check out my profile.


End file.
